Yums!

Also, look how happy he is with me. He had his hand on my ass too while we took the picture. Ok well maybe not but I would have let him! Thanks PE for both!

Random

One of the guys I share an office with is a big Cubs fan. He made a bet with someone here in the office that’s a huge Sox fan. The bet was that although it wasn't disputed that the Sox would be in the World Series, he bet that they wouldn't win it. Well needless to say he lost that bet. The deal is that he has to wear a Sox jersey all day today. Only good thing about it is that the guy's last name is Garland so at least its his real name matches the back. Poor bastard.

Also, my friend sent me this joke. You've prob already heard it but so what. I haven't and I thought it was funny so too bad. I find it relevant to me in 2 regards. 1) I want another tattoo and 2) I like to spend money.

$100 tattoo
Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Mary Pat, says, "Where in the hell have you been?"

Larry replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."

"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"

"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly.

"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain."Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?"

"Well, one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."

wawawaaaaaa.

I leave for CO tonight! Pumpkin seeds, cider, scary movies oh my! I'm still miffed that I won't be seeing Ween in Vegas but it will be worth it, I know. My sis emails me though and tells me "you know, its not uncommon for it to snow and be really cold on Halloween here. Hope you packed warm stuff." Great. Not really. Happy Halloween everyone!

HNT VI

This was a much better shot before I cropped it. I debated on if I wanted to be so bold and actually decided against it. For once I show some restraint. I just thought it would be more interesting if I left something to the imagination. Not a Halloween theme, I know, but I think I've posted enough of those pics. Enjoy my amateur attempt at art. I unveil to you...the underboob.

Ok so I'm at work. I just got out of a meeting and I checked my email. This was from one of the suppliers I used for a job and I swear I didn't alter this in any way (except for the names). In all my years, I've been waiting for this email. My schedule just got a little more exciting today.

Hi Melmar,
Getting the dick ready, you will have it shortly. The proof is yours. Thanks Melmar!
Regards,
Mr. Freudian Slip

Other things about today:

1. The CUBS officially broke my heart. Dusty Baker NEEDS to be fired.

2. 3 people have noticed my hair.

3. It feels like someone poked me in the left eye so I'm all squinty today.

Just Wednesday

Again I was late making it in to work. I really need to not do that anymore. Lucky for me my boss is out for the week and I look cute today. Down side is that I have nothing to eat and I'm starving. Closest spot to grab something palatable, and also something I shouldn't be eating anyway, is 1 hallway, 19 floors, 1 stop light and a half block away. Plus I'd have to put my coat on. But I think this hunger pain is gonna win out. I just hope I don't run into anyone I know sneaking out or on the elevator back up. Because then it looks like I'm just coming in at that moment, they don't know I was here earlier (late but earlier then whatever time it will be when I get back from my food run). I mean I normally can get by on a shitty cup of coffee till lunch but I don't think thats gonna suffice today.

Here's another thing, someone anonymously left a baggy of cookies in the kitchenette yesterday. It had a note describing what they were. Choco chip, coconut, dried cherry something or others. I tried one. I spit it out. I mean if it tasted like shit at home, its still gonna taste like shit at the office. Please don't pawn your crappy baked *goods* off to poor unsuspecting co-workers. Its just not fair and such a let down.

Ok, I think I'm gonna make a break for it.

During my escape this: http://www.barbneal.com/wav/tvthemes/mission.wav will be playing in my head. (yes I know you can make a link and I tried it and its not working so just fing click on it.)

"Hmmph, how's my hair?"

This was the best pic I could muster out of my phone before the battery died. I'm really not as pastey as it appears. I'm happy with the color though. Ignore the rest, I rolled outta bed today and went straight into work. Sad to say, either people are afraid to say something for fear of accidently offending or I'm really just not noticed much around here but it is observed that no one has said anything about it. Oh well.

Big Blog Day

I just checked my email and it had this in it:

Dear Melmar,
Thank you for submitting your resume to Big Advertising Agency in Chicago. It has been added to our database and should a suitable position become available we will contact you! Keep your login and password handy for future reference.
Login: @hotmail.com
Password: hotass

Uhm, first, I didn't submit any resume. If I did to this agency it was months and months and months ago. Which if that is the case, way to have rapid response rates there Mr. Big Ad Agency. Glad I didn't get a call from you and accepted your offer out of desperation to leave the twilight zone I was in.

And second, Password: hotass?? Huh? I didn't interview there, how would they know?

Thirdly, I got 2 more emails after this. One saying thanks again for your submission and the other asking me to fill out a EEO form. The emails appear to be ligit and there is nothing else pointing to foul play.

Needless to say, delete X 3.

Posted by HOTASS at 2:42pm 10/24/05

Whats All The Buzz About?

Gotta get me some. Jade maybe you should too...

It's Official

It's fall. When its rainy, leaves are sticking to your windshield and you can see your breath, its fall. I actually thought to myself today that I need to dig out a scarf & gloves. And last night driving home from IN, I swear there was sleet on the road.

Weekend highlights:
1) I was "invited" to the guys Friday night poker party. All was going pretty well until I spied Breakfast at Tiffanys on the shelf, cooed over it, the host of the party (a guy mind you) agreed that it IS an awesome movie (restraining from saying it was one of his favs in front of his poker buddies), immediately ejected Glen Glarry Glen Ross, ignored the groans of the men and allowed us to watch it in the living room. All was forgiven after I busted out the cheese, crackers & pepperoni I brought. Yeah, thats right, eat it bitches.

2) I went home to celebrate my brother's b-day. I had to buy 2 cards b/c I wasn't sure if this was his 40th or not. Bad sister! Whatever thats just how we all are in my fams. Turns out he's only 39. Either way I had it covered.

BUT the funny part was when I handed over my table pictures from the wedding. They pass them around and as they are doing so I realized I forgot to take out the one of Tequila Red. I don't say anything and hope that no one points it out and asks "whats this one of?" Well, needless to say it went thru my Mom, Brother and Aunt without anyone saying anything, until they reached my Dad. Yup, he pulls it out, turns it from side to side and asks "whats this one of? heehee! it looks like someone's butt" I look at it and say "gee, I'm not sure." I turn around and look at my Aunt and I see that she has that look on her face that oozes "oh, I KNOW what that one is but I just didn't say anything." But I just look back at her with a blank stare. I turn back around and say "it looks like maybe someone's legs, like the camera went off at a wrong time, kinda like it dropped or something." He continues to say "well maybe but I still thinks its someone's butt. giggle giggle. We should send it around to everyone and ask who this picture belongs to." I held back some serious laughter and said "yeah we should do that. Hey isn't this a great picture of Aunt Marjorie?!" heh.

3) Since I get my hair cut and hopefully colored tonight. I picked this out for color. Yes it's of Vida the big butt FHM model but I still like the color of her tresses (I cropped out the big butt part). We'll see what happens tonight. She may not have time to color my whole head so I may have to go back and get it done. Give me courage and wish me luck.

4) I found out that while my sissy was hammered at my wedding she was blubbering "I don't know why Melmar thinks she's so young. SHE'S 30. Thats not young anymore. She's old. She needs to stop saying she's young." Hmm ok sis. X-mas is right around the corner, you're my OLDER sis, I know what I'm getting you. Depends, Grannie panties, knitting needles and some Ensure. Merry X-mas. I AM NOT OLD DAMMIT!

5) My Dad, in so many words, implied I was fat. Or at least have gained since the wedding. So much for eating. I don't even like doing it. Besides, who needs to eat anyways?

It's Here

These kids better appreciate this. If not, its okay. The oldest (7) actually signed a contract with me to basically be my slave after he turns 18. Oh yes, its on paper, witnesses signed it, he signed, I signed it and I'm laminating it. Happy 18th Birthday oldest nephew! I can't wait.

HNT V

For this HNT I opted to post a more humorous, uncomfortable or disturbing depiction (you decide). This definitely captures a moment that one is found to be most vulnerable. It is a moment that most women, and I say most b/c I'm sure there's some person out there that enjoys this in some weird way, dread. Fluorescent lighting, paper robes, crinkling, sweating, waiting, ohh the waiting, and the probing. There's props, there's implied nekkidness, there's bearing of one's true inner self (heh), there's obvious dedication to the livelihood of HNTs. Overall, I think it's a great HNT specimen. Enjoy it or hate it.

P.S. For all those ready to jump in with the nasty jokes, this was for a routine, annual exam. STD & baby free baby. So zip it!

UPDATE: I called Gassholes, got a service rep, Ursala, who I explained the whole story to (surprisingly she didn't even interrupt once.) Ursala listened patiently then when I was done she asked if she could put me on hold, I thought "great, she's gonna put someone else on the phone and I'll have to repeat the whole damn story again." But lucky for me, she came back and said my account was adjusted to a zero balance. I'm supposed to get another statement reflecting this. Although I was satisfied, I won't belive it until I see said statement. We shall see.

Also, if I write another thank you note I swear my hand is going to curl up into a permanent claw.

Plus my older brother's b-day is this weekend. If he doesn't tell me what he wants then he's either getting something from the gas station or shoelaces, so he better tell me.

Peoples Gassholes

I hate Chicago utility companies. I can only suspect that in other cities it must be the same b/c they are all the devil's spawn. Yesterday I got this in the mail from Peoples Gas:

Yup, thats right folks a bill for a whopping $.44. Thing is, its not even for MY service! Before I moved into our condo, we lived in an apartment. 3 months before I moved out I diligently called PG and told them "hey I'm moving out, I won't be living here anymore so shut my service off by soandso date." They said all was noted & taken care of nooo problem, heck this happens every day, its a routine procedure.

So we move out all is swell, until I get a bill forwarded to me at my new address. Its a bill for $29.64 FOR THE MONTH AFTER I MOVED OUT. I ignore it thinking they'll realize their mistake and will bill the correct person. Then the month after I get another bill but this one is for less $29.24. SoI finally am forced to call PG and say WTF. I called 5 months ago and cancelled this shit why are you billing me. They tell me they have no record of me calling to cancel my service, I have to pay it and in order to cancel it I have to fax them a copy of my mortgage (huh?) to prove I don't live at that apt anymore. I ask to talk to a manager, they put me on hold come back and say they'll have to call me back. Uhm, yeah right. So Mr. Melmar gets on the horn and tries to resolve this. After he gets the same story he blows up and long story short, after making the person on the other line feel like a monkey could do a better job (as he is known to do so well), he says all we need to do is pay the $29.24, that we technically don't owe, and we're done. I, in turn, immediately pay this.

Well, that was months ago and now I get this bill for 44 fucking cents that they mark as "pay immediately"!! PLUS $.01 of that is a late fee?! They are trying to collect the balance from that first invoice. F them. I hope they get a gas leak in their building and all suffocate. Seriously. I have to call these people AGAIN and argue, with basically myself, about fourty fucking four cents. They're not getting it. They're not. No way. Nope. I hate them. I wish they'd just die....

You Want Disappointment With That?

Disappointment indeed. Saturday I really was able to rally the troops to head out to the Haunted House. Not only is it a big deal to get that many people on the same page but to actually have them agree to go to a Haunted House is huge. Spirits were high, beer was consumed, apps were in abundance, some cheered some cried (at the Sox game) then it was off to Melrose Park. Now for those of you not from around here, Melrose Park is suburb about 30 minutes west of Chicago. For us city folk thats a drive and one that we don't like to do often. Again, another reason it was amazing so many agreed to go.

Anticipation was building the closer we got and some were still debating on whether or not they would even go IN (something to do with bad childhood associations blah blah blah) Then, as we neared the appointed destination for this house of fun, we saw it. The big, ass, ginormously looong line that snaked along the building and continued around the corner. My heart sank. An attempt was made by someone saying "well, maybe it won't take that long, maybe we should just try since we did drive all the way out here." Gawd bless that person but even I, worshipper of all things Halloween, had to say HELL NO! That line would have been at minimum and hours wait and it was already 10:45pm (it closed at 11pm but if you were in line at the stroke of eleven, they would still let you in). Plus it looked to be all high school kids of the extreme obnoxious variety (are there any other kind?) It just would not have worked out to anyone's favor. So, sadly, we turned the cars around and returned to the confines of our beloved city. Noting that the line hadn't moved one inch since we got there.

Back in the city, a semi-party broke out at Casa de Melmar. Firecrackers were lit, cocktails flowed, and to humor our guests we showcased our wedding video. It actually IS funny to watch. Eventually everyone parted ways and at least the night ended on a high note.

Then came Sunday. The other complete major let down of this weekend, the Sox. I can't even type what they did and what they will be playing in. You know that big thing where a big trophy is handed out at the end to the team that does something really good. I have the "and birds live in a round stick. You can point to *things over easy* with toast" syndrome. (If you can tell me what movie that quote is from then you really are a movie connoisseur.) Its horrible. My stomach actually did churn at the news. All I kept thinking is "its not fair. its just not fair. how can this be happening?" Funny thing is, when they showed the fans celebrating all over it really wasn't much. PE pointed it out that when the Cubs were in it there were like 40 bazillion fans lining the streets around Wrigley (every game) and spilling out of bars yet by Cellular Field maybe MAYBE 200 people. Gee, why is that?! I'm just very sad at this outcome. I guess I'll be a good Chicagoean and at least say its good for the city of Chicago. Thats all I will ever say about it. Stupid fing Cubs making me have to say something like that. Very disappointing.

But to even it out, I did get to buy my very lovely, everyday plates on Sunday. Because shopping always makes it all better...right? Right.

Getting My Freak On

Its official! I have successfully recruited a handful of people to follow me to a haunted house this weekend. I know it’s a bit childish but sometimes that inner child bursts out. Besides good, clean, innocent fun never hurt anyone. But for the record, bad, dirty, not-so-innocent fun is planned for later in the evening.

Now I know the houses are never as good as you envision them, but the cheap thrills (some a result of the actors, others straight from your friends) are still worth it. It’s been years since I’ve been to one so I figured why not. Sometimes part of the fun of going to a house is listening to the people waiting in line or watching their reactions once inside. Some act like HHs are dumb, they claim they’re never scared yet once inside they are the ones that scream the loudest and still walk out mumbling “ppshhh, it wasn’t THAT scary.” Or you have the people that let 10 people behind them go first b/c they are still building up the courage to take that first step inside (like me).

Whatever your MO there’s something addicting about letting yourself be scared. Maybe it’s some sort of self release therapy, who knows, but at the end of it you just feel so invigorated, giggly & happy. Unless there’s clowns. Then I’m just scared, sweaty & angry.
Review on who wet their pants, exited early at the “emergency exit,” punched one of the actors or screamed like a girl to come Monday.

Something else that scares the crap outta me:

HNT IV

Saw David Gray last night. I thought the show was great, PE thought it was soso. Yes the set list was ordinary but beyond that Gray put on a fantastic show. DG has a song called Freedom and the first 2 lines of it are "Take your eyes off me There's nothing here to see" and I find it ironic b/c you can't and there is. If you do look away you lose part of the experience. Watching him perform is like taking a deep breath, holding it and eventually slowly exhaling. He's mesmorizing. He exudes so much energy & spirit. You feel his purpose, his meaning, his soul and relate *it* (whatever *it* is to you) somehow or way to yourself. He's a master of transforming heartache, love, longing & lust into music. He's just one of those artists that can sell it to you. It doesn't feel like he's just up there to sing a song and make some money off it. Whatever inspired him to write a song, it looks or feels like he relives that experience it each time he sings it. I don't know, maybe it was just this show, maybe I'm being a little bit bohemian about it, but either way THIS show was amazing....to me.

Now with all that lala crap out of the way, its intriguing how music affects people differently. IMO at a DG show you only have 2 kinds of fans, the jerk offs and the cool people. The jerk offs being the ones yelling 'Fuck yeah man, YEAH, yeah Fucking A man" then scream out during a quiet part of a "romantic" song "Sox Win, Fuck Yeah Sox Win!!"

Or you have the extreme stalker revellers that get the seats DIrectly front and center in front of DG then stand up almost thru the whole show (is it that necessary to stand when you are close enough that if he farts you'll smell it? Is it necessary to show that you are that big of a fan of his that not only did you get the closest seats possible but have to stand too?)

Or you have the drunk girl who thinks she's the hottest thing ever wearing her special sparkley sparkle look at me concert shirt who also stands up thru the whole show but dances an overly emphatic Axle Rose to every song surely annoying the poor bastard sitting next to her.

Or you have the yuppie drunk ass frat boy wearing his sports jacket with jeans, standing, yelling (almost like the Fuck Yeah people), spilling his drink, alternating from taking one blurry picture after the next with his camera to calling everyone on his cell phone and waving it around and literally forcing his date to reluctantly stand with him (when you can tell she absoluely does not want to, draw more attraction to them and having people see that yes, yes she IS with that guy and she's not just sitting by him by chance).

Then of course there are the cool people like PE & myself.

Ok meeting time gotta run....

Big Purple Pimpin'

On my way in to work today, this monstrosity rolled up next to me. Who rents this? Is there a demand to rent this? Do you think it has matching purple leather interior? Gold trim? Prince's box set?

On a better note, going to see David Gray tonight at the Chicago Theater. 8th row thanks to PE's hard work. The new album is great and and I can't wait to hear some of it live. http://www.davidgray.com/

Anyone watch that Danny Bonadouche show (yes, I know I spelled his name wrong)? That guy is messed up. Watch it, you'll feel better about yourself.

I'm too tired to write anything else and I have to go yell at someone for being stupid....

What I Want to Do...Eventually:

1. Sky dive
2. Learn to speak Spanish
3. Visit Paris, London, Madrid, Athens & Tokoyo
4. Learn to play guitar (I've tried, I blame my teacher, no offense)
5. Volunteer for the Anti-Cruelty Society
6. Not Procrastinate, as much
7. Own my own horse, possibly a whole stable (lead in to #8)
8. Teach young kids how to ride horses and give them the opportunity I had growing up with it
9. Have something I wrote be published (blogs don't count)
10. Visit Nappa Valley for a wine tasting tour and eat cheese
11. Have more time so I can do all the above
12. Not go to this seminar today

Weekend in Review

Couple things worth noting about this last weekend. One is that one of my friends turned 31. Went to his party on Saturday where he announced that he's just not gonna go to work anymore. Yeah, he's just not gonna go. He quit. Sold all his stock and quit. No other job lined up, no opportunities on the horizon. Just not gonna work anymore....at least for now. Happy Birthday to him. Raise your hand if you're jealous.

The other is the ultimate ROCK show we experienced later that night. Few bands exist that can truly make your ears ring and still have you ask, if not beg, for more. We've seen them once before (refer back to my March post about my crotch) and they were even better this time around. http://www.soundofurchin.com/ Plus they do it for $5.00.


(pics from a previous show at another bar and borrowed from another fan)

They played at a new bar in the city called Kitty Moon. No fancy stage and light show here. Not even sure if they have anything less to drink then beer, whiskey or other rot gut booze. Priced cheap too. Overall its a decent place to see a rock show. Its a shame that only a handful of people came. Either way they still performed like they were at a sold out Metro. They put all their energy in to it and proved that your $5 was well spent. Rock on. P.S. Concert Josh - sorry about that phone call. Those people are nuts and I was drunk.

Rest of the weekend spent nursing a hang over, doing absolutely nothing productive and blowing off my mother-in-law's birthday.

Love & Hate

Don't you love seeing an elderly couple walking arm in arm down the street smiling and chatting quietly amongst themselves? Where you can just tell they are still in love and have been married for a long, long time. It gives you hope that marriages really can last longer then aTara Reid Reality show.

Don't you hate it when people coast over in to your lane with the intention of changing lanes without looking, then when you give them the stink eye they honk at YOU? Then they purposely move one more lane over from you and drive extra slow so they won't end up next to you in traffic b/c they KNOW they were the jackass.

Don't you love that its acceptable to chop your jeans so that the length is just right for you and not some 5'10" model? And eliminating the need to pay $178 for a pair that actually are the right length?

Don't you hate having to work with people who make it no secret that they are the most miserable beings on this planet and nothing can ever be said or done to even remotely satisfy them in the least bit? Always negative about e v e r y t h i n g. They are the people that would find the bad in winning a million $ lottery (and I don't mean paying the taxes on it either).

Don't you love waking up on a weekday and realizing you have 2 more hours to sleep?

Don't you hate getting a package thats marked Fragile, in not 1 but 2 places, on red labels and it arrives like this:

As much as people say "don't be a hater," there are just some things you can't help but hate. And, as a matter of fact, don't you hate people that claim they just love everything/everyone, nothing ever bothers them and they are sunshine and smiles EVERY day? Yeah, me too. Haters.

P.S. Tequila, some of your mail was delivered to my house by accident. Don't worry, I'll fill it out for you and send it back right away so your service won't be interrupted. I know, you can thank me later.

HNT III

Shut up. I was just.....yawning.

I was watching the Sox game last night (rooting for the RED SOX, of course) and at the very disappointing end a camera zoomed in to an excited white sux fan proudly holding & shaking a banner. A big banner. A banner that they took some time putting together but obviously not a lot of thought. It wasn't just a sharpie marker scribbled last minute on a piece of cardboard. It was big bold straight black block lettering on a long white sheet. It read " I'TS OUR TURN... " I don't recall the rest b/c I couldn't get past the first word. That about sums up the white sox and their fans for me. That and the whole "they gone" thing. I hope they gone up and lose this bitch.

The Force is Being Forced Upon Me

Halloween is coming up. I have passed up the opportunity to see a rare Ween concert in Las Vegas to visit my sis and nephews in CO instead. I promised them awhile ago I would go and apparently they are holding me to it. So b/c I opened my big mouth, I have to go. Don't get me wrong, I loves my fam but Las Vegas!? And a kick ass rock concert?! You all knooooow I love Vegas. Anyways, my nephews think Star Wars is the best movie evah so they are both dressing up as Storm Troopers (they've waited all year for this). Given their costume selects, they insisted I absolutely must be Princess Leia to keep with their Star Wars theme. Happy that they didn't ask me to be a Wookie, I agreed. So in my mind (and my husband's) this was my costume:

But the reality is, I'm going to be trick or treating with my sister and her 7 & 5 year olds. Along with the rest of the 7 & 5 year old neighborhood. Although this would be a nice piece of eye candy for all the married men & teenage boys in neighborhood, in all actuality this is what I will be wearing:

Sigh. This is my most desperate hour. Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi; you're my only hope....

Come on N Ride it

Glad I drove in today. I would have been in a foul mood if I had to deal with this today.

This makes the third el accident in the last 3 years (I think its 3 years). Maintenance trains or not it still counts. And feel free to throw in the recent Metra accident too. With the conductors blatant disregard for safety, terrorists attacking trains in other countries, and Jesus fanatics raping our ears, its all making it really hard to ride. I think its time the CTA sits down, seriously reevaluate their operating standards and who they are hiring to drive these trains. Granted there have only been about 6 or 7 previous accidents in the el's histroy (est. 1892), which isn't bad, but having 3 more occur within the last 2-3 years?! You do the math. For now I'll take my chances driving myself. Hopefully going home tonight for the el riders won't be a bad as it was coming in. Bon voyage travelers...