Pencils Down

I took my National EMT exam yesterday...barely.

2 interesting things happened on this test day.

1. Dear PE did me a favor by moving my car into the garage spot b/c his car is in the shop. But when he handed over his keys to the shop, he neglected to take off his house keys. So when he left for work yesterday he took my house keys (since I would be home after him). Well when I went to grab my keys to leave, it dawned on me I need those keys to get in to the garage to get to my car. All the doors are locked to get in to it. I thought I was going to have to knock on all my neighbors doors to see if one could let me in. Which is something I really didn't want to do given our current "hightened security" issue going on. Lucky for me it didn't come to that. My neighbor came down on her own and let me in. So I made it to my test on time.

Fast forward to me 1/2 way through taking the test, sitting in my desk, freezing my ass off, freaking out b/c this test is harder then I thought and I swear I'm not gonna pass it when:

whoooop whoooop whoooooop whooooop

2. The fire alarm goes off. We all kind of look around at each other in disbelief but its true. It IS the fire alarm. They collect our tests, scoot us out the door and down the stairs outside. Luckily it only took about 20 minutes before we were back in our seats scratching our heads. Turns out some doofus burned a bag of microwave popcorn in the cafeteria.

Tests results due back in about 2 weeksish (boy that sounds like an STD problem). I honestly can't say if I passed or failed. This one will be a true surprise.

Old School Nostalgia Part 1

Me in junior high with my best friend, note early stages of high hair. My Mom & Dad had to go to some Rotary weekend social event in Lake Geneva so they took me with. They let me bring a friend so I wouldn't be bored but more so they could go do their own thing without worrying about me. This meant we ran around the resort unsupervised for most of the trip. During this free for all, I met:

I can't remember this guy's name but I do remember he was a local, older then us and we chased him around all weekend. He ended up being my first REAL kiss. All wet, sloppy and tonguey. My best friend was pissed that he didn't like her and pouted the whole ride home. And yes, that is a mullet. A short one but a mullet no less.



Freshman year of high school with my new best friend at where else but the mall. As you can see, acid washed denim was high fashion, as was the high hair. Since the photo is so dark, I used a yellow line to indicate for you where our bangs actually peaked at.



Oh this is a good one. Sophomore year prom. First, let me just point out my rebellion against the high hair. Flat bangs. Now, I can't really remember why I wanted to go to this prom so bad since I only liked a handful of people going. But for some reason I did and it was already late in the game. My date ended up being the foreign exchange student (from now on labeled as FES b/c I don't remember his name either) from Honduras. At first I liked him, you know the accent and all, but by the time I got him to invite me to prom and many horrible hickies later, I hated him. I mean I wanted him deported. Turns out he was on the baseball team and ended up telling all the guys we, you know, "did it." This didn't help my already brewing early rebellious reputation. So by prom time, I already had a new beau, but didn't quite officially break it off with FES b/c I already had a dress and still wanted to go. Enter this guy:


Meet Rick. You can see the path I was heading. He too was older (18), from out of state and since I was only a sophomore I couldn't ask him to my prom (you had to be at least a junior to get the tix). But we'll get back to Rick.

So now I'm stuck going to this prom with this jerk off and I can't tell my family why I'm so pissed about going for fear of them thinking I'm "loose" and have them sit me down for a "talk." To make matters worse, since this guy is a foreign exchange student he can't drive in the US or some shit like that. So he left transportation up to me last minute. Well I don't have a car so I ended up asking my new boyfriend, information still unknown to FES, Rick to drive us. He says sure and shows up in this:


I'm triple pissed now. My first prom and it's fucked up from go. Plus, to make matters worse, I was looking forward to a nice, flowery nosegay to carry around and this dipshit shows up with a wrist corsage. In case you couldn't gauge how pissed I was in the above photo, here's a close up:


My Dad felt so bad and embarressed for me that he offered mohawk man, a guy who he has never even heard of before and looks weird (who also btw showed up with flat hair, a tweed ugly dinner jacket with a bow tie, out of respect for me), his brand new Bonneville to drive us in. Trust me, he was nervous as all hell when handing those keys over, but there was no way he was going to let his baby girl drive to her first prom in that hillbilly junker. It was worth the risk.

So long story short, Rick drove us, I ignored FES the whole time, stayed long enough to get the official prom picture, here:


Once back at the table I excused myself, went to the payphone, called Rick to tell him to come get my ass, and I promptly left my date at prom with no other ride home. I wonder when he realized I wasn't coming back? Reputation officially established. Not long after I think FES was asked to leave the country. Also, inevitably, the novelty of Rick wore off and I dumped him too. They both served their purpose at the time and I moved on.


P.S. for those of you wondering, NO I did not "do it" with FES.....I did it with Rick...just once, for experimental purposes only.

Only Things Worth Mentioning

Anniversary Weekend:

Friday night - got hammered and passed out.

Saturday - spent hung over while our friend takes the host's wave runner out and brings it back smashed up. He promptly makes an early exit back to city without saying goodbye to anyone. Learn wave runner he smashed into sank.

Sunday - bought new camera (Canon Elph SD630) and realized the thief actually stole my charger with the extra battery too, which would have worked with my new camera. Toasted and drank some champagne. Happy Late 1 yr Anniversary Dear! It's been an interesting year. At least we're side by side through it all.

Monday - PE ran into the owner of the condo that the thief stayed at. Thief is in fact a half brother to the guy and genuinely didn't seem to know anything about it. He apologized profusely and PE said the guy seemed really pissed but not entirely surprised by his brother's actions. It was left as the guy was going to "look into this" and I guess get back to us with anything he finds out.

Tuesday - back at work. I come in to my office and there are these beautiful long stem red roses. I start talking to my office mate and she tells me about how bad her day was yesterday so I say well at least you got flowers (thinking they are from the guy she just started dating). She says, "those aren’t mine, they came in yesterday for you so they must be from your husband for your anniversary or something." "Really?!" I say, getting a little excited inside but she quickly says no, actually they’re for her, from the guy she is dating....silly me.

Sunnyside of the Street...Sorta

They became active today. Good news, if there is to be any good news about these nuisances, is that they are Mon-Fri 9am-6pm. So at least I can park after work and on weekends without paying. Don't get me wrong, they still suck the biggest, hairiest donkey balls that exist. They also sprouted further up the street so its not just in front of our building (canceling out my theory that they were installed only b/c I live there). Can't figure out the city's reasoning of where to place them though. They kind of bounce back and forth on each side of the street. On one stretch of road they are only on the south side and then farther up only on the north side. But then again it's the city, there is no rhyme or reason to what they do. I just wonder how many times people will be running in to the White Hen across the street and asking Babul for change (and I'm not being racist, discriminatory or whatever, his name really IS Babul)? And I wonder how many times Babul will glare at them and say "Nochange. D'ou 'ave do perrchase a product. No give change."


Forecast for my weekend lake house 1 Year Wedding Anniversary get-a-way:


Friday
T-Showers
Precip: 60%
H 82 L 69


Saturday
T-Showers
Precip: 50%
H 81 L 68


Sunday
Partly Cloudy
Precip: 20%
H 78 L 62

Figures.


P.S. I have a secret MySpace Page in the works. Yes Blogger, I'm cheating on you.

Anticlimactic

Hair got did but not quite all did up the way I done axed for.

Its certainly lighter but instead of dying my whole head she just brushed in a ton of blondesque highlights. I think she partly went about it this way so as to protect me from hair shock. One of the reasons why I drive 60 miles RT to continue to use her. In the end it looks good just not exactly what I was looking for. It will be a 2 step process I guess to get me to where I want to be without frying it and having it fall out. Again, I'd post a picture but you all know that story.

The picture I can post is this:

Never thought I would be so excited to pay $3.13/g for gas in my life. In the city it's at about $3.59.


GOOD DEED #3046
Also very pleased to report that I helped facilitate finding homes for all 4 of these sweet homeless kitties that someone found abandoned in an alley. I wanted to take one in so badly but Trouble would torture the poor thing and despise me for the rest of his living years from underneath a bed. Ohh spikey kitten fur and pointy tails, so hard to resist taking in 20 of them!

Don't Try to Stop Me

I'm going back to blonde tonight.


My real model for back up:


Pretty close. In color that is...

Hubby should be pleased since his "list" is almost 100% blonde. To name a few:
Elisha Cuthbert
Kate Hudson (oh he's so happy they're splitting)
Jewel
Jennifer Biels (as a blonde)
Ashley Simpson (as a blonde)
Joely Richardson
Tara Reid (before she bottomed out)
Victoria Silvstedt
Kirsten Dunst
Jessica Alba (blonde)
Scarlett Johansson

It's All A Wicked Game

Wicked Game

Still one of the sexiest videos ever made. It's like a fever dream.

I'll get into the concert details from last night later but more importantly did someone put a curse on me? I mean I donate to charities, I dish out money to homeless people on occassion, I return lost cell phones, I help little old ladies walk across the street (really I did this), I hold our neighbor's packages in our house so they don't get stolen, I share cabs. I do good deeds so why am I getting bombarded with this long string of bad luck? Someone PLEASE explain it to me b/c the only thing I can think of is I'm cursed.

We came home last night from the show only to find our dear City of Chicago greeting us with newly installed parking meters directly in front of our condo building. No notice no nothing just POOF and there they are. For over 10 years they have refrained from putting these up then we move in. No more free easy street parking for us. Yes there is side street parking but do I really need to go in to detail about how crowded and tough that's going to be? One of the worst parts is that on a stretch of street where normally 3 cars could park, they set it up to accomodate only 2 meters. So they have limited the parking even that much more. I had a mini melt down. Too much going on for one small girl to handle.

Now on to the concert:

Ok, first we didn't have tickets. It was a last minute add on show that I don't believe was sold out. I scored 2 tix for $75. People on Craigs list wouldn't give them up for less then $130. Face on them was $56.50 + ticketbastard fees. Score! In we go. I have never seen so many middle aged ugly women in my life. But I expected that. Show starts and 2 songs in Paul lets me go up front by myself to oogle up close.

As I make my way up I pass this MA broad and as I do she punches me in the back. Not hard but it was a half ass MA woman pussy punch. I stop and think this can't be right she must have tripped or something. I turn around and look at the dumb bitch who just hit me. I ask her did you just punch me. She weakly says yeah, you stepped on my foot. Are you fucking kidding me? I say to her "Are you fucking kidding me?! You're at a concert, its dark, you're standing next to a step and I didn't even feel that I stepped on you plus even if I did it was an accident." She just stares at me and she looks afraid like she's waiting for me to hit her back. Now trust me, my initial instinct is to punch this cunt straight in the head but I've waited a long time to see this guy, it's only the second song so I chose not to. I yell at her some more and people are staring. I tell her that if she just would have said ouch or tapped me and said you stepped on my foot, you know made some other effort to let me know besides punching me I would have apologized but now FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING CRAZY BITCH and I walked away.

I'm upfront right under Chrissy. He's hot, he's sexy it's great. Except for the overpowering pungent smell of cheap cologne and horse shit burning my nose. I kid you not. Horse shit. The cologne I get but shit?? Ironic, huh? But no problems. I watched him croon Wicked Game directly to me, yes ME. Well, me some of the time. Then I got bored and went back to find PE.

He was back by the merch table. He bought me a shirt. He said Chrissy comes back after the show and signs stuff (only stuff you bought there). I was first in line . Blah blah blah, Chrissy makes his way back. He practically runs me down to get behind the table, stands in front of me, automatically signs the shirt not even looking at me yet, as he does I tell him good show, its nice to finally see it and when will the Showtime DVD come out (he had a show for awhile in case you didn't know), he mumbled something I didn't understand, he stands up, finally looks at me, shakes my hand (he has nice hands) and says "you have really pretty eyes" then moved along to the next fat MA blob next to me. The Man in the Suit with the piercing beautiful blue eyes said that I have pretty eyes. Then we go home to find the parking meters. Lovely topper to what could have been a decent night.

As for a review he sounded great live but his bassist bugs me. Only way I can describe him is he just tries too hard. What I didn't expect though of Chrissy was that for a man who is revered as such a sexy man could be such a geek. He would pose and sing in his sexy way then turn around and do some stupid ass chicken leg kick or something. Or in bewteen songs it was like he was trying his hand at being a stand up comedian. He would have you locked in his dreamy spell, then whiplash you out of it by doing or saying some of the most unsexiest stupid things. That's why I didn't stay up there for very long. I didn't want to ruin this vision or persona of him that I savor in my head. I salvaged what I could and now also have that he thinks MY eyes are pretty.

I can't say never but I can confidently say I will most likely never go to another show. I've had my Chris Isaak fix. I'd have taken some pictures for posting but wait, yeah thats right MY FUCKING CAMERA WAS STOLEN.

P.S. PE the part you didn't understand in Wicked is "This world is only gonna break your heart." Isn't that the truth...

Bribes, Sexual Favors & More!

It's O-fficial. I'm all passed up in my class. Yes I know I said I passed earlier but that was just the written. We still had practicals to do last night. But if you pass the written you should pass the practicals (you'd be a dumb ass & should rethink a different career if you didn't). Either way, my partner and I kicked ass and they said so. In our triage station they told us we were the best & quickest with our tagging and rapid assessments. This called for celebration so I finally went out after class. We met up with a group of our fellow classmates and our instructors for drinks. A few beers later and some mouths loosened up.

We chatted up the guy who is what I can best describe as the "TA" for the class (teachers assistant). He said he was offered cash on 6 occasions from 6 different people in return for him to pass them in the class (he was in charge of grades). One person offered him as much as $500. And on top of that he was offered sexual favors if he passed one person (he did not divulge if this offer came from a man or woman).

Then the "big boobied wasn't so popular growing up but is now at 38 only b/c of the big bought boobies which brought about a never before seen sluttiness always volunteered to play patient on stage look at me butterface girl" happily interjected that she tried all semester to kiss his ass b/c she thought it might influence him & her grade. Then proceeded to proudly say she's made out with at least 3 other guys in the class. Which one of the guys I know for a fact ain't as proud of it as she is and as a matter of fact made people swear not to talk about it (yeah right).

And there was the program director's 21 yr old niece who looks like she could be an Olsen twin triplet who also helped out with grades that hooked up with one of the 27 yr old guys. Last night he bought her a beer sampler and was "teaching" her about beer. Yeah, teaching her how to get shitfaced so he could finger bang an Olsen Twin lookalike in the back alley. Sorry, prob not but it sounded funny. She's a nice kid.

Kudos to the TA for resisting all tempatations, or so he says. If he did or not oh well, I know I passed on my own ligit merit. All those who bribed, not surprisingly, failed the class.

* * * * * * * *

No new news on the thief. But if anyone has any brilliant ideas of things we should say or do to him next time we see him, post it.

The replacement bed the furniture shop sent in isn't as good as the first one we had. It's supposed to be a super plush pillowtop but its not so super and its not so plush. I'm working on bed #3.

Supposed to see Chris Isaak tonight at HOB. Passing my class and swooning over his dreamy voice are 2 good pick me ups that I so desperately need but we'll see. I'm tired as all get up (it's like my body knows class is over and wants to collapse) and PE is about to parlayze himself with some unexplained neck injury. We're just both ready to throw in the towel. Boy, moving to the country sure sounds pretty good now.....

Good News Bad News Game

Good News: I passed my EMT class. Which means I am allowed to actually take the National exam in 3 weeks.
Bad News: I don't think I can swing paramedic school....just yet.

Good News: Cops came out again to knock on the filthy thief's door.
Bad News: No one answered...again.

Good News: I took delivery of all my replacement furniture today.
Bad News: There is STILL a hole in the new couch. Just one on the bottom in the back. They'll try to fix this one. I'm still pissed but not as much if I hadn't been robbed.

Good News: My car still runs.
Bad News: The gas gauge is broken so I have no idea for how long it will continue to run.

Good News: My 1 year wedding anniversary is coming up in 12 days.
Bad News: PE doesn't have his wedding ring to celebrate with. Nor will he ever have it again.

We Were Robbed!!!

If you can believe it. Just another bad thing to add to my list.

PE went down to get a newspaper at about 4:30am on Friday morning. He left our door resting open (just up against the door jam). He came back up and saw a guy with his hand on our doorknob closing our door shut. NO ONE DOES THIS IN our building, if you see a door open you leave it b/c they might be in the trash chute and you could lock them out of their house and YOU JUST DON'T TOUCH OTHER PEOPLE'S DOORS! PE asked him what he was doing and the guy backed away and repeated it back to Paul. Paul locked himself in the condo, checked on me who was drug sleeping upstairs (meaning I didn't hear a damn thing).

We didn’t notice anything missing until Saturday morning. In less then 5 minutes that it took PE to go downstairs and back up, the asshole stole my digital camera and the USB cable that was next to it, PE's Movado watch he bought on our honeymoon, his silver bracelet, his ipod and…his wedding ring. Best part is we KNOW who he is. PE saw him come out of a condo 2 doors down from us on the opposite side the next day. PE was at the elevator and the guy actually came up to him and confronted him “I don’t know what you think but it sounds like you were accusing me of something, I didn’t do anything, I was just closing your door which was wide open” (which it is too heavy and will never stay wide open lies lies lies why wouldn't you just say that the night of when asked what you were doing instead of backing away and not answering the question and acting guilty). PE just said whatever and tried his best not to punch the guy in the head.

Never seen him in the building before. He says he’s visiting his sister and that he’s a military cop on leave. We called the cops and one came Sat night but wouldn’t go up and search him (and the guy was home) b/c they said we didn’t actually see him come out of our place. All he did was take a report.

Well this morning that cop's sergant called us and came over with 3 other big cops to ask more questions and to search that place but the guy didn’t answer his door. Now all we can do now is watch for the owner of the condo (who we know and is a nice guy but we haven't seen in awhile) or the asshole robber guy and when we see him call the sergant and he’ll hopefully hurry over.

So much more detail to the story but I’m not typing it out. Yes Paul shouldn’t have had the door open but everyone does it there and no one has every had anything stolen nor should we have to worry about stuff like this in a secured condo building. The ex president of our association was proud and loud about the fact she never locked her door.

In the mean time we are telling all our neighbors. One said they have never locked their doors in 5 years but will be now. The other said he actually did see a guy wearing camouflage that matched our description who he had never seen before.

I'll report back whatever happens.

I Hate My 30's

Seriously. Nothing good about them, so far at least. If this is any indication of what the future holds then I don't want to see it. Or maybe its just that 2006 is just a really shitty year, because it has been. Maybe that's where the hope stems from on New Years Eve for people. The whole "tomorrow is another day." But the thing is, yes tomorrow is another day but its just another shitty day sometimes shittier then the day before. Or how about the people that say "well if we didn't have bitterness how do you know what's sweet?" Fuck that.

I'm just tired. I'm tired of struggling, I'm tired of selfish people, I'm tired of faking being ok, I'm tired of "friends" blowing me off, I'm tired of worrying about money, I'm tired of people thinking I'm still a kid because I don't have a kid yet, I'm tired of thinking about the fact that I'm just not where I should be at this point in my life (even though I'm not really sure what that is), I'm tired of worrying about job security, I'm tired of having to explain myself, I'm tired of trying to explain others and their actions, I'm tired of not being able to sleep, I'm just tired period.

I don't even have $1 for the good coffee today. Not even in change....