Yawn

I can't figure out why when I call 1 of the 2 the elevators down at my house the highest one up is the one that comes down. Not the one just sitting on the second floor, but the one all the way up on 6. This delay inevitably times out so I am forced to ride up with some other jackass in the building who most likely will get off on floor 2.

*****
I was watching Dr. 90210 the other night (the plastic surgery show) and they had a girl in her early 20's who wanted a boob job. As she lay on the table and inject her with some anesthetic drug, she starts going on and on about how great she feels, that this is the best drug ever and like if they just sold this out on the streets man she'd like be an addict, oh doctor I'd do, I'd do ANYTHING for this, wow this is just super great, you rock doctor like really rock.

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One of the guys I share an office with is now sick. So now we get to play catch.

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Best news I've had lately, I'm going back to Vegas in 2.5 weeks.

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Anyone else notice that the blog world seems to be a little slow lately?

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RT nonstop airfare to Tokoyo, Japan from Chicago in May for 1 week = $1095. Ouch.

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140 days left till summer.

Paul's Birthday

Was last Friday but was truly celebrated on Saturday. It was an interesting night. People came that we didn't think would, others didn't go that we thought would have, love connections may have been made, others we know WERE made, a hint of jealousy was detected, awkward reunions were thwarted, drunken assholishness behavior ensued, empty promises were made, and, surpisingly, eventually we closed the bar down. It was a good night. Unfortunately the next day I felt like someone hit me in the head with a baseball bat. These quite possibly saved my life Sunday:



The evidence:











And the best picture of the night goes to the birthday boy himself....























****

My poor g-friend Natalie is standing up in yet another wedding and she is having to deal with the thing all bridesmaids dread most, a Bridezilla. This selfish bride-to-be is completely ignoring her bridesmaid's crys CRYS of mercy about not being forced to wear this dress:

Now you think, well its a pretty enough dress so whats the problem? The problem is that this dress is made for 6' size 2 models. This "diva satin" as they call it, showcases every buldge, crease, panty line and anything else you are undoubtedly self conscious about. These poor voluptous bridesmaids don't have a chance in hell of feeling comfortable for one second in these. Even if you did have a nice figure but were say 5'4" you might as well slap a "wide load" sign on your ass b/c thats what it will look like.

But despite their battle crys, the bride has opted to say "tough shit ladies, you're wearing it." I feel for these girls. I really do. Hopefully at the last second she'll somehow come across an ounce of good judgement or even pity, who cares which as long as it means these girls can wear something that at least fits them well. It can be ugly as sin, it doesn't matter. Just something that they can at least wear underwear with that isn't publically scrutinized.

I wish them luck but am also compelled to advise them to back out now. Before any down payments have exchanged hands. Make up any excuse, your psychic advises to not travel that day, you'll be fat & pregnant by then (and who wants THAT in their wedding. JK NAT!), anything. If this is even an inkling of what is yet to come with this Bridezilla I say getthehellouttadodge. Especially if you want to stay friends with her. Because if you stay, I assure you, the day of that wedding you'll find yourself fighting the overwhelming urge to pull a Carrie on her ass.

Cough Hack Wheeze

So the weekend was a bust. Friday night the sore throat took over. Sat a fever set up camp and Sun the cough came. I should still be at home instead of work right now but you know how it is. I hate to take up a perfectly good day off work to just be sick. I may, however, go home early though.

Last night it was hard to watch the Carolina/Seattle game. That was supposed to be the Bears' game (they would have been crushed, I'm sure, but still). It was a pleasure/pain experience. Pleasure that the Panthers lost but its like PE said, "at least if they won we could have said we lost to the (possible) Superbowl champs." Besides, someone needed to shut Steve Smith up. Yes he's a great receiver, possibly the best in the league blah diddly blah blah but he's such a whiny bitch. I don't know if I could have taken him #1 going to the Superbowl and #2 winning the superbowl.

More disappointing news, my wedding dress didn't sell, again. That was the third attempt. Back to Craigs list. At least it's free to list there.

Also, guess who is making an appearance on Mancow tomorrow morning?


Someone please make it stop. Please? Also, I was thinking about changing my look. What do you think?

P.S. The soft focus option does not make you less ugly. All it does is enhance the fact that you ARE indeed ugly and are trying your softest to hide it. Come on, you're only fooling yourself...

ADDITION:
A Lisa Loeb dating show?? Sigh...

4 Things About Today

I have an itchy irritating sore throat now.

I can't stop eating chocolate covered raisons.

I'm humored by Merriam Websters online dictionary by typing in dirty words, like masturbation, and listening to the audio pronunciation of them.

I'll be making a ham/cheese/scallop potato casserole tonight.

Wisconsin Livin'

***

What's with all the Chuck Norris "facts"? Ex. Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them. Chuck Norris can divide by zero. Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down. Why have these become so popular all of a sudden?

***
9 years for putting a finger in some Wendy's chili. Glad to know this dumb bitch is going to take up a slot in our penal system and we get to pay for it. Why can't we just chop off one of her fingers and call it even steven? It'd save money.

***

Then of course there is this girl:



She was on the 10 o'clock news last night. THIS was news? Either way, her and her sometimes mom, complained that the show was unfair, they misrepresented her, they edited in judge's responses, she really can sing (no she can't) blah blah. She says that the ridicule and teasing she is getting at Palatine high school from the boys is so bad and mean that she just can't go anymore. Yet almost in the same breath she declared, despite the show's short comings, it has taught her a lot and made her a much a stronger person inside. Uhm, stronger, suuure. Bitch shut the fuck up and just go to school already. (who wants to bet that she drops out of HS and her new hobby will be stripping at the local strip joint?)

For those of you curious enough (like my husband), you too can ridicule her direct on her own My Space page: http://www.myspace.com/xokissmex369

WEDDING DRESS UP FOR AUCTION!!!

My first wedding dress. Yes, I bought 2. I bought this one first then fell in love with the second, which is what I actually wore. I have this up on ebay listing # 8251372940. So if you're interested or know someone who is, forward it along to them. $475 and it includes the veil you see here. Please and thank you!





Funny story about this dress, another person is trying to sell the exact same dress on ebay but is asking more then I know for damn skippy she didn't pay for it. Sad thing is, she is using some bullshit story about how her fiance was deployed to Iraq, she doesn't know when he'll be back so no point in her keeping her "dream dress" any longer especially if it could make someone else happy right now. She claims she spent $1200 on this dress and that she bought it from a "boutique" in her town, which is West Des Moine, Iowa. Do they even sell thousand dollar dresses in Iowa?? But not only is she willing to take a loss on her dress, she is willing to throw in the $40 special wedding dress keepsake box that you use for storage after you wear it at no additional charge! I call BULLSHIT.

The photos she posted with her in it at the store are so obviously taken at a DAVID'S BRIDAL. All these stores look the same all over the country. Its not a one of a kind "boutique" as she's trying to imply, its a cookie cutter chain. As for the price, she paid $600 plus tax, that is if it wasn't on sale. The damn dress is still on David's website listing for that price.


Her at David's ^^^^
Me at David's vvvvv




Anyhow, no one has bid on her dress and she has 2 days to go. I hope she eats it and never sells it. I do give her credit for trying, even though it wasn't much of a believable story, plus it just makes my dress seem like that much bigger of a bargin. I actually should be thanking her. Either way, at least with my dress I discounted it and included the stupid veil with it (and I don't think they sell it in white anymore). Wish me luck.

Also, the other part that bothers me about her story, if this was her ultimate dream dress and the wedding is only postponed until her fiance comes back, why would she sell it now and not later say when they split up or he doesn't come home? I know I wouldn't be that quick to sell my dream dress (which is the one I wore and I'm still not ever selling it).


***

I'll be in Milwaukee tomorrow, Friday the 13th, dum da da duum daaaa daaaaaH! So I'll blog about that lovely little trip next week....that is if I make it back.

1, 2, 3 and 4

One of the guys I share an office with is selling girl scout cookies for his daughter. The second after he asked if I wanted any I was ready to put myself down for 30 boxes. What is it with those damn cookies that are so delectably irresistible? The Samoas are my absolute favs. You just can't find anything similar to those anywhere. Plus, of course they are the worst ones for you. Go figure. Mmmm so buttery & coconutty. aaarrrrgggllllallahhhh. They will not get here fast enough.

***

You know how when you try on clothes at the store and they look great on you there but when you get home not so much? It's because of trick mirrors. It's true. They're bent slightly which has the effect of elongating/thinning you out. Remember though, this has no effect on just plain bad taste. There's nothing to blame for that except yourself. Ahem, colored jeans, cough. ; )

***

I get to go to the Milwaukee area Friday morning for work. This being while the rest of the agency slumbers away the morning b/c it will be the day after our holiday party and they let you come in late (such a smart idea, why don't the rest of the companies out there that insist on weekday parties adopt this concept?) When you do eventually roll in, you grab some coffee, check you email, answer a couple calls then you get to go head home early too. Figures on the easy day I won't be here to enjoy it. I should get a make up day for the laziness on Tuesday (you'd think I meant Monday but we actually get that off to observe Martin Luther King Jr. Day, haha, so yes, I really did mean Tuesday). It's okay to be jealous.

***

The cashier lady at the place I bought lunch from today made me want to vomit before I had even ordered. She kept calling everyone sweetheart, honey & dear oozing with that sickly sweet tone. She flirted with the guys, batting her eyes, licking her lips which I could only assume to be seductively but really came off looking like she was trying to locate the crumbs from her fourth double fudge nut brownie that day. Trust me, she was noooo prize. About my age but just fugly. She'd ask you if you were "dining with her today." No way lady. I wonder how many other people's appetites she suppressed today (obvious not her own, like ever.)

What Day Is It?

Not a whole lot went on this weekend. For the most part I slept thru most of it. For once we had no set plans or any place to be so I just caught up on some much needed sleep. The good kind. Where you fall asleep right away and drift away into that deep, deep slumber. Dreams and all. It was fantastic.

** MOVIE REVIEW: HOSTEL **
We saw it last night. Movie by Quentin Terrantino about US kids travelling to Europe before going to college but end up being sold to an underground torture mafia. Where people pay to torture humans any way they want to fulfill their sick, twisted fantasies. It was ok. Bottom line, it had good gore but not enough of it. Not nearly enough of it. Story is based on true events so its a pretty solid & believable concept but they spent too much time in the beginning setting it up instead of showing what actually happens to them. The previews make it seem like it shows more gore then most scary movies. Nope. Its graphic but not a lot of it. I really can't say this is worth seeing in the theater. Wait for the rental.

BTW - I'm never going to Europe now and if I do I'm certainly not staying in any hostels. Thems Europeans are all kinds of fucked up.

Just kidding. I'll go but it's all first class for me.

Somebody Just Shoot me

Put me out of my misery. I am so fucking bored right now. I worked my ass off the last 3 days for a meeting that we had yesterday and now nadda. Everything is buttoned up and done. Nothing new. I'm sitting here with my ass hurting from sitting so long doing nothing. I wish I could go home. I almost would except I was home yesterday at about 2 and took the rest of the day off (granted I just drove about 5 hours so it was owed to me). So no matter how slow I am today, I just can't leave. Sigh.

With all ths time on my hands I've had random thoughts float in and out of my head. Like:
Why do birds fly in a V?
At what point does an addiction become an addiction?
Wouldn't it vary from person to person depending on the addiction?
Will I ever win the lotto?
How many days till summer?
Who really did kill Kennedy?

I can't take it any more. I'm going to White Hen....

NYE ' 05 In a NutShell

Whoopie.

** MOVIE REVIEW: MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA **

It choked on chopstix. Read the book, it's waay better. I know you're thinking "but isn't it always? " Yes, but even more so in this case.

Worst Part: The lady who sat in front of me (aisle seat) and let her 2 year old run up and down the aisle (dammit, since when is it the social norm now to bring babies to adult movies and roll the dice to see if they can make it all the way thru it without an episode? I have yet to see that happen, heck even at a kids movie its a gamble if they will.) I give the kid credit though, at least it didn't started howling until the last 45 minutes. The lady actually got up and left with the kid. Kudos to her but I bet she wished she read the book now and knew how it ended.

Best Part: When it was over. No really, when I was walking home and watched a cab pick up a fare and drive off...on a flat tire. Heck, what car needs all FOUR of the tires inflated, right? That $.50 to fill the tires must be considered just frivolous spending.

** POINTLESS MELMAR REVELATION **

The pop up ads for Classmates.com are now using pictures of people who resemble what I looked like in high school. That stings just a little.