New Years Resolutions 2006

1. Not give hula dolls as grab bag gifts


2. Not get so schlitzed at family gatherings that my own Mother offers to give me a "sippy" cup of water on my way to bed.

3. Be more on time....well let's be realistic, at least just not as late.

4. Spend more time with family and friends.

5. Develop a higher level of patience. After all, it is a virtue.

6. Try not to obsess over the little things. Or even the big things.

7. Pick up a new hobby and stick with it.

8. Not drink...as much (goes along with #2).

9. Get Pregnant.

10. And of course the most popular resolution of all time, the one word bound to slurr past the lips of millions of people at midnight tomorrow, exercise.


To all my friends and family, I love you dearly. I'm a very lucky girl. I wish you all much love, happiness, wealth & health this New Year!


2006, year of the Fat Elvis Drive Thru Renewal of Vows!



* Note: number 9 is a joke and not to be taken seriously, AT ALL. What it really should read is: Refrain from sitting down at family dinner tables during the holidays and at a quiet moment, take the hand of my spouse and promulgate: we have a special announcement to make. Pause for effect, look into each others eyes, face the table again and say: We just wanted to let you all know that we....smile....got digital cable. Yes, we did that this year. Twice. We almost felt bad for our families, almost, as we watched their faces light up with glee then quickly burn out. So I'll stop doing that and in addition, I also resolve to at least practice more of the baby making skills for if and when we ever chose to actually go thru with it. That one's for you honey! Merry New Year!

Christmas Recap

Who knew that going back to my x-mas roots meant getting totally shitfaced at my Aunt's house on X-mas eve and being hung over x-mas day? I have never done that before and don't intend on making it a new tradition either. It sucked.

I had bought these:

as grab bag gifts for the guys and one ended up in this:


replacing the role of guess who. If I had my camera I'd post the actually picture.

Instead of boring everyone with the boring details, especially of my drunken gluttony, a simple recap is only necessary. We got lots of crap we don't need and ate more food then we should have, well some of us did anyways. Everyone got along and seemed to enjoy themselves. As hard as it is, for many reasons, we need to see our families more often. Sneak peek at one of my New Years resolutions.

Now to top it all off. We came home to find the biggest x-mas present waiting for us under the tree, we have no hot water at the condo now. Nothing like waking up in the morning looking forward to that hot, steamy shower only to find out its ice chilling cold. For 3 days. I guess luckily, this is an association fix not us. At least I have the guy coming out Friday to look at our furnace issue so maybe that will be resolved...with our x-mas money, that is supposed to be used for fun, sassy stuff not...HEAT.

Also, TR informed me that the Tiny will be closing forevah. No reopenings on the horizon there. So thats sucky. Whats suckier is that neither of us can get our schedules to match to meet up for what was going to be a farewell to the Tiny. Eventually we'll get our shit together and at least have a toast to its memory ; )

Work is piling and I'm tapped out. Blog ya later.

Bah Humbug

In case its not painfully obvious, I just have not felt inspired lately. I grasp at straws to find something, anything even remotely entertaining or controversial to write about. All I can come up with is santas falling off trains. Everything seems to be so cliche and boring. I think I need a break. The holidays are draining me and for the first time I feel like the bah humbug.

Every responsibility I have seems so extradornarily drawn out, tedious and tiresome. I guess I'm feeling consumed more by the mundane tasks of life rather then the exilarating moments. Maybe I'm just feeling nostalgic about the days when we didn't have to worry about mortgage payments, getting fired from your job & getting the "insert any car part here" fixed. The days where all you had to worry about was doing your homework as fast as you could so you could go wander about the woods making trails in the glistening snow with your friends (back when it wasn't scary to let your kids wander around unsupervised in the neighborhood woods). Back when x-mas eve was the most exciting night of the year, even more so then your birthday, and sometimes if you listened hard enough you swore SWORE you heard faint sleigh bells jingling in the middle of the night, even when you knew Santa didn't exist.

Sighhh. Oh to be a kid again. Remember when you were young and all the adults would say to you "ohhh to be a kid again." But at the time you scrunched your nose at them and just thought silly OLD person. Well now I know how they felt and it saddens me. Where did all the years go? Time is whizzing past me and every time I sit and think for a minute about it, I seem to be yet another year older and another year farther from my youth.

As I said, I need a break. I need to recharge. I'm hoping the couple days off work and spending the holidays with the families will breathe some new life into my worn down soul and provide new inspiration. Perhaps shake me from dwelling on times past and comparing them to the present. Its time to clear my head and just enjoy the holidays as innocently as we did when we were children.

So with that I say Merry Christmas! And for those of you out there that take offense to that, too bad. I'm tired of saying Happy Holidays. Merry Christmas is not said to demoralize anyone's religion, so get over it. Either way, here's to a happy NEW year! May it be prosperous, happy & healthy!

Ho Ho Holy Shit

Santa fell off the el a couple days ago. Well sort of.

Every year the Chicago El decorates a few of the cars with holiday crap then hooked in between a couple of the cars a "flatbed" is made up to look like Santa's sleigh with reindeer and everything. Santa sits in it and freezes his ass off while waving at the people on all the platforms who are thinking "man he must be freezing his ass off". Apparently this year Santa must have been bad for the train to derail.

It was worth a grunt.

Back to work....

We're So Creative

Today my company is having a little x-mas get together in our coffee bar (designed like a regular bar but for coffee).

Management thought it would be cute to have the "higher ups" bond with the lower ranks and show that really they are just like us by singing x-mas carols. But changed the lyrics to office lingo. For the record, its not cute and its certainly not creative.

In addition, the office supply/mr. fix it "boy" who is really a middle aged, long long haired hippy who boasts to be in like 10 different bands, and b/c of such must keep a day time job to support his hippy ways, has been allowed to plug in upstairs too. This must be a big gig for him. He's even pawned off 3 of his CDs on my office mate, who after the hippy left, he looked at me and said I'll never listen to these, you want 'em..oh hell no I don't want 'em. We spent the rest of the day avoiding Mr. Hippy. He's currently playing "I Am the Walrus." People are clapping. But keep in mid they are serving booze up there too. Joy to the world....

I've actually skipped this little soiree but can hear it down the hall in my office. I'm sneaking out early instead. Now thats a treat!

Also, I bought this really yummy lip gloss from Bath & Body Works. Its tingly and pepperminty and you can eat it. Tastes just like a candy cane, b/c everyone knows I'm certainly not sweet enough. I wonder what else it would feel all tingly and taste good on?!

Enjoy the weekend! Laters!

"When the Rest of the World is Over and Done"

Oh Bloomington. It's where I was yesterday all day on bizness. On my ride down, these are a few things that crossed my path.

1) The H.O.T. (House of Trucks)
2) What looked to me to be a dead body in the ditch. Judging by its form, it appeared to have already started to decay. No, I did not stop and poke at it with a stick.
3) Illinois State Corrections bus
4) "Avoid Hell - Repent - Trust Jesus Today" Billboard

Anyone else see a pattern there? Buy a truck, murder someone (perhaps a hitchhiker?), trip to the slammer, repent. hmmm.

If I'm ever convicted of a felony and was sent up the river, my maiden prison name would be "Mayonaise Queen." My married name would be "Tush Taster." What's yours?
http://www.prisonbitchname.com/

Happy Holidays

You're a douchebag if you do this and call it "displaying your holiday spirit for all to enjoy."


You're a double douchebag if you:
a) Do this to a Mercedes.
b) Leave it on till June.
c) Get out of your car at a stop light to check and make sure it's still attached.

Draw The Line

My girlfriend sent this article to me today. Her husband is a Marine.

This article mortified me. I believe in freedom of speech and protesting but dammit I draw the line when you do it at a place or a time like this, let alone with the message that these people are sending/supporting. These poor people should be allowed to mourn and bury their loved ones in peace. These are just cruel, ignorant, selfish, unappreciative, homophob, publicity whorish assholes with nothing better to do with their time then to harress grieving strangers. Why can't they just leave these survivors alone whose loved ones supported the very same country these church people live & breathe in allowing them the right to protest, basically uneffected by the war?

The bottom line here is that these protestors are marching around the wrong people with the wrong message. These poor families had/have enough to deal with by having someone they love leave them to fight for a cause they may or may not have believed in, for who knows how long and come home dead. Let them be. Once this cult masquerading as a *church* hones in a message that is not 100% asinine, can not be outlined in a DSM book and has an ounce of credibility, take it to the steps of Washington instead of a grave.

And just to level things out here, by all means this does not imply I support this war.


Funeral- Friday, 09 Dec 2005 1230, w/ Interment at Abraham National Cemetary, Elwood IL
By Tim Waldorf/ Suburban Chicago News
staff writer

From all accounts, 19-year-old Lance Cpl. Adam Kaiser lived a quiet life before he was killed serving with the Marines in Iraq. His funeral service, however, may not be that quiet. A church group that protests funerals of soldiers killed in Iraq with signs that read "God Hates America" and "Thank God for Dead Soldiers" plans to be there.

Shirley Phelps-Roper, the attorney for Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kan., said a group from the church intends to protest at both Kaiser's funeral and the funeral of Byron resident Lance Cpl. Andrew Patten, 19, who was also killed in Thursday's blast in Fallujah.

The group has already protested about a dozen funerals in Illinois. Fred Phelps, Westboro's pastor, said soldiers' deaths are God's way of punishing America for its "acceptance of homosexuality. " Wade Kaiser, Adam's father, said he heard of the group about two weeks ago, and after his son's death, was told by the Marines to prepare for their presence. Wade said he thinks it is sad that the group wants to do this, but he supports their right to do it. "But I think it will show a lot of people what these people are all about," Wade said. "I think it should be an embarrassment to them, and it does nothing to help their cause."

Naperville Police Sgt. Joel Truemper said the department is aware of the possibility that the Westboro group may protest at Kaiser's funeral. He said Naperville police already planned to have a presence at the service, just as they have for the other funerals of Naperville soldiers recently killed in combat. At past funeral services, police have worked with funeral homes and churches to protect mourners' privacy by asking unwanted parties to leave the property.

Illinois Lt. Gov. Pat Quinn is proposing a new law that would prohibit protests within 300 feet of any military funeral. "To have these vile signs and epithets hurled at any family and any funeral is wrong," Quinn told the Chicago Sun-Times. "We should respect the right of any family to grieve and bury their dead with reverence." Phelps said such a law would be unconstitutional, but Quinn said the U.S Supreme Court has allowed the type of restrictions he is proposing.

Baby Its Cold Outside

and we ain't got no heat inside. The heater crapped out in the condo earlier this week (but I suspect it was earlier then that). We had a guy come out and he couldn't fix it. Said he couldn't get to the back of it to look at it proper so its possible they may need to rip our ceiling out to get at it. Uhm, I can't imagine that when they built this building that they designed it as such that the only way to fix the furnace was to rip it out of the ceiling. Can we say second opinion please. Ahh, reaping the joys of home ownership.

Also, thank you to all that nursed my ego about not winning the Bloggin Hottie of the Month. I truly appreciate it but I just want it on the record that my ego was not bruised nor was I secretly crying in the bathroom over it. We all know I'm hot. None the less, thanks!

Dear husband said something amusing the other day that I thought I'd share. You see there is a friend of mine, who shall remain nameless, that just recently engaged in some explicit relations and posted about it. The blog world seems to be all abuzz over it. Anyway, plans have been in the works previous to this racy romp for a little girl on girl sleep over. Along with the planning, jokes have been tossed around about pillow fights & lingerie. Feeding in to the male fantasy, of course, I've joked along with it. But after I mentioned this sordid story to him, he went to go read for himself. He came back later with a wow, thats wild, paused for a minute and then slowly asked, "uhm, this sleep over thing, is it, well, was it really one of *those* kinds of parties where, you know, you get each other off or something?" I about sprained my neck turning around to look at him and giggled. Sorry to crush his, or anyone else's fantasy, but NO, it was not! At least not in my head. I had visions of pony tails & popcorn but maybe this was just me. We shall see though.

I'm a Loser

Although I didn't win Bloggin Hottie of the Month, I still appreciate all of you who did vote for me. As long as I didn't have just one vote next to my name (indicating that the only person voting for me was me) I was happy.


WEEN
Saw 'em in Boulder @ The Fox Theater on Saturday. Again, another amazing concert. It was my first time ever seeing them. I was not disappointed and it was well worth the trip. We met some cool people and I even got to punch one of them in the face. Long story but I apologized after and all was good. I even got to revisit the sis and nephs. The kids didn't know we were coming so I told them I just missed them so much that I just flew in for that day to see them. Kids are so gullible, its great. We went to Chuckie Cheese that day. Not so great but the kids had fun. Did you know they sell beer there?! Now thats a combo.




Flight home sucked. All we wanted to do was sleep our hangovers away. Now you'd think since we were upgraded for free to business class it would have been the perfect ride home. Big leather seats, foot rests, extra reclining room. Oh no no noo. Last minute this dumb ass bitch with her whatever month old kid plopped her fat ass down the row behind us. She was flying with her mom & dad who were sprinkled around us as well. These people didn't just talk the whole flight THEY YELLED. They yelled up a row, back a row, to the person sitting directly next to them. It was hell. You'd think they would have kept their gaping holes shut the whole flight when the flight attendant right off the bat told the Dad to shut the fuck up & stop being so loud while he was delivering his preflight speech. But that didn't stop any of them. Then of course the kid didn't shut up. It didn't cry but it may as well have. It shrieked with joy as it too was a carrier of the yelling gene. But not only did it coo with such delight, every fucking person that passed the damn kid encouraged it to do so. Then the girl somehow grabbed a hold of the lady's ear across the aisle from her and they proceeded to share each others life stories about everything and anything. Dumb girl ended just about every sentence with an annoying " Oh REALLY!"

Then to top it all off, the inconsiderate beeyach whipped her tit out and proceeded to breast feed that brat right there with all her junk hanging out. PE almost threw up. If you MUST do that then show some class and either move towards the window seat (no one was sitting with her) or do what most other women do and throw a fucking blanket over you or better yet waddle your ass up to the bathroom and do it in private. We left that plane wishing & willing a bullet to find a home in each of their heads and more tired then when we boarded. Luckily we had a kick ass tail wind and a pilot that flew like a mofo so we were home in almost half the time it was supposed to be.