SuperBowl & Other Stuff

So the Steelers won. Bettis retired. I'd say the most noteworthy moment about that game, besides Bettis getting his TD and retiring, was how a friend of ours, a HUGE Steelers fan, paid $4M just for his tickets to sit in the Steelers end zone, front row and got kicked out at half time b/c he puked all over himself. We discovered this nugget when we called him after the game ended to see how much fun he was having. Call went something like this:

PE: So are you freaking out right now?
Puker: I'm havin the besss time maan. I'm sooo drunk rahght now.
PE: So where are you at now?
Puker: Huh? Uhh, I dunno. Soo, HEY, who won the game??
PE: What the hell are you talking about? You're THERE.
Puker: Dude, I'm sooo hammered. I got kahcked out man. Kicked OUT. Ken you bahlieve it?!
PE: WTF? How come? When?
Puker: Gaht me duuude, lahk awhile agooo, I'm not sshure.
PE: Well, did you see the Rolling Stones?
Puker: Yeah? YEAH I did maan, they fucking rocked!
PE: Ok did you see anything after that?
Puker: Uhh, nahhh, No. I don't think so. I puked all over myself. Then somehow I got kicked out.
PE: Idiot. Well sorry to tell you, buuut...
Puker: No. NO, NO WAY MAAN, Ahhh MAN! Fawk Yea man!! Whoohoo...static. Click.

We don't know if he lived thru the weekend. Also, the night before the game, he paid a ton to go to some other party, Hawaiin Tropic or something, but got too shitfaced and skipped it. He didn't know it then, but would have met Bettis. Fool. I just hope he really did have as good of a time as he thinks he did.

*****

Now for the big news. I had a career meltdown this weekend. It started with my dear husband surprising me Sat night with dinner reservations at a 5 star Zaggot rated Italian Bistro named Merlo over on Lincoln (all thanks to his poker buddies, losaahs!). The food: fantastic, service: mewh, booze: they were out of Captain if that says anything, atmosphere: loud, price: pricey. But overall good. I had a couple glasses of wine, mind you only a couple (I was good TR!), then we headed home.

There on our couch something hit. I'm not quite sure how it happened or where it sparked from but before I knew it I figured out my next career move. And this wasn't a booze induced rant, where you ramble on and on slurring out your thoughts in a jumbled mess where you're not even sure if you made sense to yourself. Granted, PE informed me the next day that I did in fact ramble but it was only b/c I actually got excited. Excited for something that I've wanted to do for a long time but haven't been able to b/c of time & money. Plus this seemed to be a good fit for what I feel I can achieve.

You see, I'm not sure how much longer I can just sit an office cube (it's not even a private one at that) cursing the flourescents. Deep down I have realized, sort of recently, that I don't I like what I do anymore. It's a job. No feeling associated to it, no sense of "real" accomplishment, and no "real" meaningful challenges (unless you count being able to write a kick ass document outlining what it is I do and how others are supposed to do their job so I can do mine). I'm not giving anything back. I just don't feel good about myself. I've always longed to really be doing something else meaningful but in college, later on, I had no idea what that was so I've just kind of landed by default where I'm at now. It wasn't really a choice to do what I do, just what I as able to find that could pay my bills and sustain a particular lifestyle. So I guess maybe what I'm feeling now is a sense of being trapped. What I do now is the only thing I'll ever be able to do.

When I was unemployeed for over a year it was painfully obvious that I couldn't land work anywhere else but in THIS industry. I couldn't even be a bank teller if I wanted to (over qualified). And even the positions I'd apply for outside of the industry weren't things I really wanted to do with my life but were just jobs that I should have been able to get to pay my bills. I really wanted to go back to school for something in a specific area (but if I tell you now I'll ruin the end of this story) but couldn't. Unemployeed, blowing thru savings to live, it just wasn't an option.

In the mean time, I finally was able to find a job that paid meager wages but no benefits. The fact was it was something that I originally had went to college for. It was a job at the Treehouse (a cat house for strays) working as a vet assistant. I was so happy to get it #1 it was a paying job #2 those positions usually never pay and #3 I always wanted to be a vet, so working with the animals again I knew would be fulfilling for me despite the low pay (I worked at a vet & a horse farm junior high thru high school). I was thrilled to accept the offer. Turns out though, that same day I was offered another position I interviewed at with another small SMALL ad agency that paid a lot more & had benefits. Realisitically, I had to take it and I did. I called the Treehouse back and bowed out. They were very disappointed. So much so that I could never go back there to even volunteer if I wanted to. I don't think they'd let me.

Since then I have moved on from that small agency but still am in the industry. It pays well, I have pretty decent vaca time & its fairly easy. But that's it. Other then that I feel nothing for it. Empty. Maybe its b/c I have no drive or maybe it's b/c I just know its not what I want to be doing with my life for the next 30 years (nevermind the fact that this industry probably wouldn't allow me to stay at one place for 30 years). So I sit here and think to myself, what do I REALLY want to be doing.

Well people, for as far back as I can remember I have wanted to be in the medical field in some capacity. I wanted to be a vet since I was a little girl. I couldn't hack it when I went to college. Part of that I truly believe was I wasn't ready for college then. I was raised in a fairly restrictive household. So when I went away I went wild. I had no discipline, no perception of how my partying & skipping class would effect me in the long run. I went to a shitty HS, I had a mediocre education background at best. Bottom line I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR COLLEGE. Oh I was ready for the college lifestyle but not the education side of it. I guess back then I just thought it wouldn't be hard, I'll somehow get thru it, no big deal. It's too complicated to write about here but I just wasn't ready to go to school for something that would be preparing me for a lifetime career. That it's really kind of a one time shot.

In the end I went back home and finished out my college education at the local university. I got my head out of my ass 2 years after I started school but b/c I failed so badly so early on it was difficult for me to go back into any medical field. #1 b/c I really had no other direction or idea of what to major in b/c all I ever knew was veterinary science and #2 Maybe I was scared to even try again b/c of my pathetic attempt earlier and #3 I had no idea really what else was there besides being a doctor or a nurse (now to me in my head back then, being a nurse was the same route as a vet and if I couldn't be a vet then I couldn't be a nurse AND I also just viewed it as cleaning bedpans). Either way I eventually graduated with that piece of paper saying I have a bachelors degree in business, minor in marketing along with a very respectable GPA. Business was the safe route and I knew I could do it but it was, again, by default.

So knowing what I know now, I would have approached college from such a different angle. I would ace those classes now. My focus and drive is in such a different place now. But I had my opportunity and blew it. So I am where I am now b/c of that and only b/c of myself. And I hate it.

Now back to Sat night. On my couch from out of no where all the above somehow swimmed around in my head. All I could say is I want to be in the medical field. But to do any of that you have to go back to school. That costs time & money, one of which I certainly don't have. I could manage the time part but money, no way. I have enough debt as it is that I can barely manage.

So what can I do?? I don't remember how it came up or who said it and I know I've never thought of it before. But the words EMT were thrown out there. Emergency Medical Technician. It's just a certification program with minimal expense and there is a demand RIGHT NOW for minorities and women. So there you have it. I will be submitting my application as soon as I change my name and officially have proof of residency (we keep our cars registered in the suburbs for lower insurance rates). This is the closest I can come right now to what I origianlly set out to do. The pay will certainly be a cut for me (but depending on where I end up not so much) and the hours erratic. Plus there is tuition reimbursement (maybe I could still be a nurse?), benefits and a pension (but thats only if we stay in Chicago for 25 years, that my friends may not be an option!).

But you see, I get to make a difference. If I only saved one life that will be more then I ever do wasting away in an office cube. It's exciting, its challenging, there are administrative options later in life that pay more then just being an EMT and mainly it's worth while. An EMT fits a lot of what it was that I was originally motivated to do. To help in any way to sustain/ressurect life, cure, or ease the pain of others (animals or people). To me that is what is fulfilling. Granted there will be assholes out there refusing treatment or not realizing the levity of what an EMT did for them but I WILL. And thats worth it to me. It will make ME feel good about what I do. I will have some worth and I will be giving back something instead of just taking (like my paycheck now).

So there you have it. All I can do is apply right now and keep my fingers crossed that I get a call back for the next step. If the only requirements to apply are a HS diploma, 18yrs old and proof of residency, then I should hope I have a good shot of making it to the next level. This is so exciting yet very scary for me. I would be giving up a chunk of my salary, a lot of time (that my husband would support. And since we have no kids and prob won't have any thats not an issue either) and my safety could be jeordized at times. But the pay off in the long run would be so very worth it. Plus I think if I was able to be an EMT, even if for a little while, but found out it isn't exactly what I want, I really think it could open doors for me to other areas in the field that I may be better suited for.

I think its time I took the risk. Wish me luck.