Bring Your Umbrella

10 day weather forecast LasVegas, Nevada:

Today Isolated T-Storms
Wednesday Isolated T-Storms
Thursday Partly Cloudy (gee, thanks)
Friday Isolated T-Storms
Staurday Isolated T-Storms
Sunday Sunny (have a nice trip home everybody)
Monday Sunny
Tuesday Sunny
Wednesday Sunny
Thursday Sunny

Hey but don't worry people, it'll still be hot and humid as hell. So at least we have that. Fuckity, fuck, fuck FUCK. What pisses me off most is that this screws with my and everyone else's pool time. Not that its gonna "rain on my wedding day" I flipping don't care about that. I want sun people, good ol' fashioned cancer causing, freckle forming, burntacular SUN. Stupid fuckin weather. Why. WHY??!! Watch, it will rain in Aruba the whole time we're there too. The island where it rains like twice a year for like a minute and it will be some weird fucking fluke that it rains the whole time. "Gee we've just never seen anything like this before."

My only thread of hope is that the weather channel is right about 50% of the time. There's still time.....

10 Things I've Recently Wigged Out About

1) Paul's face. Don't ask.
2) How I still printed the name of the groomsman who isn't going in the programs even after we looked at it a bazillion times.
3) My ring finger nail may crack off and I'll have to get a nasty fake. Ohh postpone the wedding people till it grows back.
4) Where my 1 g-friend is going to sleep since the guy she was rooming with keeps inviting everyone and anyone to stay in his $13 a night room. (internet rate error that the hotel has to honor. Wonder who got fired over that one?)
5) How my other g-friend may shamelessly flirt with another guy at her table despite the fact her boyfriend and his girlfriend are sitting right there (you know who you are and who he is).
6) How my dress had a slight alteration altercation problem that has since been fixed. Thank gawd for everybody else's sake.
7) How my cat may slip into a deep depression b/c he misses his mommy or might die/lose a limb or tip of his tail while I'm away but I won't know till I return b/c no on will want to place that phone call to me on my honeymoon.
8) How when I picked up my engagment ring set from the jeweler I swore that the center stone was NOT my stone and was sure he switched it. He didn't. I don't think...
9) That all of our family (at least the ones we like) will be on airplanes in the next week.
10) My wedding hair.

All things considered, thats not too bad.

Why You Missed My Wedding:

a) you slept thru your alarm because you hadn't slept in 2 days

b) you drank so much for free while gambling that you decided it was a better idea to get a tattoo AND a piercing instead

c) you burned yourself so bad at the pool that it hurts too much to wear clothes

d) you were busy explaining to management why you were caught naked at the ice machine and that NO you are not a prostitute advertising your goodies

e) you somehow made it to the finals for the Fat Elvis of Fremont Impersonation Contest without even entering

f) you gambled and lost our wedding gift money and was too busy trying desperately to win it back...along with your kids' college tuition

g) you were arrested for stealing chips to pass off as a wedding gift

h) you couldn't post bond

i) all the above

Minnesoooda

is where I'm at now. After getting up at the buttcrack of dawn to scurry off to O'Hare (late, as usual of course) I experienced the pleasure of sitting on the runway for an extra 2 hours due to weather out here and the airport being closed, opened then closed again. Full flight but luckily no kids. Flight went fine once we took off. Even giggled when the pilot came on and said we were passing over Brainerd (Fargo flashback). But finally made it only to get lost driving here (Thanks for nothing Expedia) although since I have a convertible I didn't mind much (I think I want to buy one now). Anyways, I have to say Minnesota is just like Schaumburg but with more lakes andprob more fun then Schaumburg just b/c its not Schaumburg. I even got to hear someone say "eh" for real at the car rental place. " Nice weather today, you should put the top down, eh. " And he meant the car not my shir.... nevermind, eh. Either way I want to come home. Ok back to work.

Huh?

Prob one of the best text messages I've received to date at 2:34 am today. I have no idea who this person is. Its a New Orleans #. But I wish I did and lived in N.O.

"?Stranger! U&UR Girl Wana Com2 the Playboy Mansion party? Where RU? Remember? Email me....aol?"


Best wedding related conversation yet:

Guest: Sooo, uhm, yeah, the wedding is coming up fast. How many people are coming?

Us: About 92.

Guest: Really?! Wow. Thats great. Really great. So , uhh, do you think that, cough, your LA friends are gonna make it out there?

Us: Yeah, they're going, why?

Guest: Oh, uhm, I mean, you know, you've just mentioned that they're just really cool people and well, heck, they're pretty close to Vegas, so I just thought they'd be going.

Us: Uhm, ok. Why do you care?

Guest: What do you mean? I was just curious heh heh......well actually, I was kinda wondering something, do you think that, well, maybe, you know, they could possibly get us some....stuff?

Us: Stuff? What "stuff" are you talking about (us dragging it out on purpose)?

Guest: You KNOW, stuff. We're planning on going out on Friday while you're at the rehearsal dinner so, you know, we just thought maybe we could get some, you know, <insert drug of your choice here> to make it just a little bit more fun.

Us: OHHH that kind of STUFF. Why didn't you just say that to begin with. Actually our limo guy will hook you up. No worries.


So apparently THATS how its gonna be that weekend. Rock on people. I can't wait.

This is my life...

in the last 4 months.

1) Moved in to condo. Painted it. Looks great but still like a couple college kids live there. Can someone please sign me up for one of those tv home remodeling shows for interior decorating retards? Preferrably the one with Ty please and thank you.

2) Fiance sliced his finger wide open. He was leaning over the edge of our balcony to spit on some guy yelling at his yak when he stepped back, fell and ripped it open to the tendon on an exposed nail. Talk about karma. That was a 4 day hospital vacation. I call him Frankenfinger now and sing Ween's song "I Can't Put My Finger On It."

3) Accepted awesome, new kick ass job with a REAL agency. Finally.

4) Told old sucky job to eat a fat one. Gave 'em about a days notice before I walked. People were pissed I was happy. Until #6.

5) Had wedding shower. Not so bad except for when the waiters were practically grabbing the forks out of my guests hands b/c they wanted to kick us out. Never want to have another one. I'm sorry, how are we related again?

6) Dad was jealous of all the attention I was getting so he up and had himself one of those heart attack thingys. He's actually doing better then ever now. Seriously.

7) A g-friend declared that she may possibly, in a small way may have found a real, bona fide semi-annoying boy as friend who she might at some point, under her breath once or twice, refer to as simply boyfriend.

8) Had my local bachelorette party turned why do my friends suck so hard party. One stripper wasn't too bad. But the other spent about 20 minutes in my bathroom. Stripper Rule #1 Do not eat spicey texmex before first show ever and I know it was his first show when he asked that I don't let him fall but didn't tell me what he was doing so I dropped him on his head anyways (does it matter which one. no i didn't think so.) Stripper rule #2 Don't ever rely on the Bride, or any other woman at the party, to effectively hold up your body. Duh. In the end, bruises surfaced the next day to prove good times were still had by all.

9) Went to a friend's cabin on Lake Shaffer (you know, Innnndiiiaaaaana Beeeeeaaaach) and had to console the host b/c 2 inches of her cat's tail was severed from its body when the front door slammed shut on it. Tail was promptly located next to the hamburgers, retrieved, placed in a plastic baggy and stored in the freezer (who knows why, maybe so it could eventually be sewn back on?). Either way it now resides in MY freezer. Ask fiance why, he's the one who took it not me. Something about good luck and keychains. I don't know. But the cat is doing better then...oh who am I kidding. Its tail is limp as an 80 year old man pre-viagra, besides it's 15 years old with kidney problems, he doesn't even know its gone. Hell we didn't either when we first looked at him.

10) A groomsman dropped out and another is prob right behind him. He wrecked his car and his face. Talk about massive retouching in both respects.

11) I was able to con my fiance into buying me an additional wedding ring. He was so hung over on the day we went in to get them that all he wanted to do was get the f outta there.

12) The neighbor below us, Rex (can I just say, Rex?!?) slid a note under our door reminding us to check our washer b/c the girl before us flooded it and ended up causing $10M damage to his place. That explains why the people at that party referred to her as flood girl. We thought it was just b/c of her pants.

13) A mug of me might be floating around the internet next to some guy at a Cubs game wearing a t-shirt thats dissing Sox fans.

14) I'm blogging again.

15) Still getting married. 17 days and counting.

pics, where applicable, to be posted at a later date.