This is my life...
in the last 4 months.
1) Moved in to condo. Painted it. Looks great but still like a couple college kids live there. Can someone please sign me up for one of those tv home remodeling shows for interior decorating retards? Preferrably the one with Ty please and thank you.
2) Fiance sliced his finger wide open. He was leaning over the edge of our balcony to spit on some guy yelling at his yak when he stepped back, fell and ripped it open to the tendon on an exposed nail. Talk about karma. That was a 4 day hospital vacation. I call him Frankenfinger now and sing Ween's song "I Can't Put My Finger On It."
3) Accepted awesome, new kick ass job with a REAL agency. Finally.
4) Told old sucky job to eat a fat one. Gave 'em about a days notice before I walked. People were pissed I was happy. Until #6.
5) Had wedding shower. Not so bad except for when the waiters were practically grabbing the forks out of my guests hands b/c they wanted to kick us out. Never want to have another one. I'm sorry, how are we related again?
6) Dad was jealous of all the attention I was getting so he up and had himself one of those heart attack thingys. He's actually doing better then ever now. Seriously.
7) A g-friend declared that she may possibly, in a small way may have found a real, bona fide semi-annoying boy as friend who she might at some point, under her breath once or twice, refer to as simply boyfriend.
8) Had my local bachelorette party turned why do my friends suck so hard party. One stripper wasn't too bad. But the other spent about 20 minutes in my bathroom. Stripper Rule #1 Do not eat spicey texmex before first show ever and I know it was his first show when he asked that I don't let him fall but didn't tell me what he was doing so I dropped him on his head anyways (does it matter which one. no i didn't think so.) Stripper rule #2 Don't ever rely on the Bride, or any other woman at the party, to effectively hold up your body. Duh. In the end, bruises surfaced the next day to prove good times were still had by all.
9) Went to a friend's cabin on Lake Shaffer (you know, Innnndiiiaaaaana Beeeeeaaaach) and had to console the host b/c 2 inches of her cat's tail was severed from its body when the front door slammed shut on it. Tail was promptly located next to the hamburgers, retrieved, placed in a plastic baggy and stored in the freezer (who knows why, maybe so it could eventually be sewn back on?). Either way it now resides in MY freezer. Ask fiance why, he's the one who took it not me. Something about good luck and keychains. I don't know. But the cat is doing better then...oh who am I kidding. Its tail is limp as an 80 year old man pre-viagra, besides it's 15 years old with kidney problems, he doesn't even know its gone. Hell we didn't either when we first looked at him.
10) A groomsman dropped out and another is prob right behind him. He wrecked his car and his face. Talk about massive retouching in both respects.
11) I was able to con my fiance into buying me an additional wedding ring. He was so hung over on the day we went in to get them that all he wanted to do was get the f outta there.
12) The neighbor below us, Rex (can I just say, Rex?!?) slid a note under our door reminding us to check our washer b/c the girl before us flooded it and ended up causing $10M damage to his place. That explains why the people at that party referred to her as flood girl. We thought it was just b/c of her pants.
13) A mug of me might be floating around the internet next to some guy at a Cubs game wearing a t-shirt thats dissing Sox fans.
14) I'm blogging again.
15) Still getting married. 17 days and counting.
pics, where applicable, to be posted at a later date.
1) Moved in to condo. Painted it. Looks great but still like a couple college kids live there. Can someone please sign me up for one of those tv home remodeling shows for interior decorating retards? Preferrably the one with Ty please and thank you.
2) Fiance sliced his finger wide open. He was leaning over the edge of our balcony to spit on some guy yelling at his yak when he stepped back, fell and ripped it open to the tendon on an exposed nail. Talk about karma. That was a 4 day hospital vacation. I call him Frankenfinger now and sing Ween's song "I Can't Put My Finger On It."
3) Accepted awesome, new kick ass job with a REAL agency. Finally.
4) Told old sucky job to eat a fat one. Gave 'em about a days notice before I walked. People were pissed I was happy. Until #6.
5) Had wedding shower. Not so bad except for when the waiters were practically grabbing the forks out of my guests hands b/c they wanted to kick us out. Never want to have another one. I'm sorry, how are we related again?
6) Dad was jealous of all the attention I was getting so he up and had himself one of those heart attack thingys. He's actually doing better then ever now. Seriously.
7) A g-friend declared that she may possibly, in a small way may have found a real, bona fide semi-annoying boy as friend who she might at some point, under her breath once or twice, refer to as simply boyfriend.
8) Had my local bachelorette party turned why do my friends suck so hard party. One stripper wasn't too bad. But the other spent about 20 minutes in my bathroom. Stripper Rule #1 Do not eat spicey texmex before first show ever and I know it was his first show when he asked that I don't let him fall but didn't tell me what he was doing so I dropped him on his head anyways (does it matter which one. no i didn't think so.) Stripper rule #2 Don't ever rely on the Bride, or any other woman at the party, to effectively hold up your body. Duh. In the end, bruises surfaced the next day to prove good times were still had by all.
9) Went to a friend's cabin on Lake Shaffer (you know, Innnndiiiaaaaana Beeeeeaaaach) and had to console the host b/c 2 inches of her cat's tail was severed from its body when the front door slammed shut on it. Tail was promptly located next to the hamburgers, retrieved, placed in a plastic baggy and stored in the freezer (who knows why, maybe so it could eventually be sewn back on?). Either way it now resides in MY freezer. Ask fiance why, he's the one who took it not me. Something about good luck and keychains. I don't know. But the cat is doing better then...oh who am I kidding. Its tail is limp as an 80 year old man pre-viagra, besides it's 15 years old with kidney problems, he doesn't even know its gone. Hell we didn't either when we first looked at him.
10) A groomsman dropped out and another is prob right behind him. He wrecked his car and his face. Talk about massive retouching in both respects.
11) I was able to con my fiance into buying me an additional wedding ring. He was so hung over on the day we went in to get them that all he wanted to do was get the f outta there.
12) The neighbor below us, Rex (can I just say, Rex?!?) slid a note under our door reminding us to check our washer b/c the girl before us flooded it and ended up causing $10M damage to his place. That explains why the people at that party referred to her as flood girl. We thought it was just b/c of her pants.
13) A mug of me might be floating around the internet next to some guy at a Cubs game wearing a t-shirt thats dissing Sox fans.
14) I'm blogging again.
15) Still getting married. 17 days and counting.
pics, where applicable, to be posted at a later date.
up for sale by melmar at 3:41 PM
5 Comments:
Re: #9
DISGUSTING!
Re: #7
EEEEEE! I KNOW!
Welcome back babycakes!
Glad to see you are back online!
I am truly sorry that I missed that bach party, sounds, hmm, interesting?
"There's more than corn...in Indiana..."
Sing with me now!
CAW!
TR - hahaha I read your post in my email before I came here and thought you were referring to me posting. Nevermind.
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