Bubbly

In honor of moving day and what Mr. Perv will no longer get to leer at, here is my last HNT post. This completes my promised set of 10 HNTs. Cheers!







Also, make sure to wish Miss Tequila Red a Happy 31st Birthday this Sunday! I will be in VA visiting friends so I'll be missing out on the festivities. Someone PLEASE make sure to have a camera handy though. She's been known to pose real purty for pictures after she's had a few (and you know what I'm talking about TR).

Rays of Light

It appears that both my office mates are out this whole week. So I have that going for me. Plus I found out last week that I get to move out of this room and into a new one. I'll be moving in with only 1 other office mate that happens to be a woman a little older then me and I like her. Plus I'll have more space and won't freeze my ass off every day. I guess my new roomie whispered in the ears of people who make things happen that my current situation was driving me nuts and just wouldn't work out and someone should do something about it. The timing couldn't have been more perfect b/c I was going to ask my manger this week if I could request a move. So voila!

As of this Thursday I will no longer: have someone staring at my back, no more snorting, wheezing, coughing, whistling (thru both nose & mouth) over my shoulder (and let me just drive the point home that when I say whistling & snorting I mean it's ALL THE TIME), I won't have to listen to emails muttered aloud, or comments about how fast, "happy" & often I type, listen to volunteered boring or disgusting info about personal life or the status of family digestive tracts, I will be able to put the mirror back up that I took down b/c anywhere I placed it on my 1 alloted space of wall happened to line up so he could see me in it and wave at me (yes, wave), listen in on my phone calls while at times butting in to the conversation and derailing it (usually with a client), I won't have to navigate around attempts at trying to pry into my private goings on and I no longer will I have to hold my breath while using excessive amounts of scented hand sanitizer to cover up weird smells violating my personal space nor will I have to field comments about how strong smelling said hand sanitizer is. To you, annoying office mate, I bid you farewell and good riddance.

M.I.A.

Not really doing a whole lot these days except:

I am officially registered for my EMT classes that start in May. I'll be very busy this summer. It's exciting. Lucky for me I got the approval (after I had already registered) from work to adjust my schedule to leave early so I can make it to these classes.

Laughed at someone with the name "Rock". Not to mention that they are partnered with a "Nick."


We locked ourselves out of the condo last Saturday. An ordeal that I never want to have to go thru again. Only funny part about it was when PE thought he could jimmy it open by using a credit card and when that didn't work thought he could bust it open with his foot nearly busting open his foot....twice. Peeing on myself in the mud in the bushes behind the garage wasn't exactly my idea of a banging Saturday night either.

I rode in a cab with this staring me in the face the whole way. Yes, it IS what you think it is.



Paul has pneumonia and wants to die.

Fat guy I share an office with let one rip the other day when he thought I wouldn't be coming back to my desk so quick and I wanted to die.

2 of my girlfriends are in love with 2 really great guys.

There is an antiwar protest somewhere in the Loop this weekend that I am considering going to.

And I learned my grandpa was caught in the hallway of his assisted living complex trying to, or maybe actually (I didn't dig too far for deets), getting it on with one of his neighbor hotties. My Dad was brought in and given a talking to about it. Grandpa can't remember to take a shower or who his son is but he remembers how to get his fuck on. Now that's what I call assisted living.


* * * * *

Due to the lack of comic relief my blog provides these days plus the upcoming work load I'll have in front of me, I probably won't be posting as much on here. Or maybe it's b/c I'll be setting up a MySpace page b/c apparently it's way cooler then Blogger. Whatever the reason I'll try to keep up as much as possible.



Oh yeah, Happy St. Patrick's Day!



P.S. TR, if you bust out that ginormous lepracon hat, again, I will be forced to steal it and burn it. Just saying is all.

EMT Humor

In reference to filling out paperwork using slang and abbreviations to describe patients:

1) Cardiac patients should not be referred to as suffering from MUH (messed up heart), PBS (pretty bad shape), PCL (pre-code looking) or HIBGIA (had it before, got it again).

2) Stroke patients are NOT "Charlie Carrots." Nor are rescuers to use CCFCCP(Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs) to describe their mental state.

3) Trauma patients are not CATS (cut all to shit), FDGB (fall down, go boom), TBC (total body crunch) or "hamburger helper." Similarly, descriptions of a car crash do not have to include phrases like "negative vehicle to vehicle interface" or "terminal deceleration syndrome."

4) Persons with altered mental states as a result of drug use are not considered "pharmaceutically gifted."

5) Gunshot wounds to the head are not "trans-occipital implants."

6) The homeless are not "urban outdoorsmen," nor is endotracheal intubation referred to as a "PVC Challenge."

7) And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons as being "paws up," ART (assuming room temperature), CC (Cancel Christmas), CTD (circling the drain), DRT (dead right there) or NLPR (no long playing records).

* * * *

I register for summer classes next week. It's the first step to my new career.

A BIG thank you to Miss TR and Stacy for vouching about my character and only having to fib a little bit. I hope you know it means a lot to me and there is a reason I asked you both to do it. Over the years you both have been great friends to me and I truly value those friendships. I know I can trust you both and if there is anything I can ever do for either of you, all you need to do is ask. So thanks!

The Dumb Box

New show premiered last night on ABC called "Sons and Daughters." It's actually worth watching. It's a Larry David with kids from "Curb Your Enthusiasm." There's plenty of extremely uncomfortable situations, loads of sarcasm and stuff you laugh at but know you really shouldn't be. This show def. deserves a repeat viewing.

Another new show airs tonight. I know I've said it before but this one really hits an ultimate low for reality tv. The show is "Black White." Trading races is how they oh so not cleverly describe it. They paint a white person black and a black person white, then I assume trade spouses. They see how far each can go posing as the opposite race in each family. I hate to say it but I have to watch at least 1 episode to see whats what.

UPDATE: Dr. Travis and School Teacher Sarah have split (from the last Bachelor). You can thank PE for sending me that update (don't deny it, you know you loved watching it PE.)

And American Idol - Kellie Pickler continues to squat on stage like she's taking a dump and earned extra dumb points for just being herself. When Simon called her a "minx" on stage she had to ask what that was then repeated it in a sentence but was still confused and used the word "mink" instead. "It's all good b/c Simon says I'm a mink!" America also learned she ate her first "salahmon." She must have dined at the same restaurant where she ate "calmahmari" for the first time last week. This karaoke billy mink needs to get clipped, sent back to whatever southern state she was born & bred in and stick to eating plain ol' grits. Girl is as dumb as a box of rocks.

Melmar Soprano

This morning I had a dream that I was Meadow from the Sopranos. It was the middle of the night in the house I grew up at (not the show's house in Jersey). Tony came stumbling home. I didn't see him at first, I just heard him go into his bedroom to wake Carmela up. There was a lot of loud talking, banging and anxiety filled the air. I got out of my bed and walked down the hall to what was Tony's office. It's only illumination was from a street light shining thru the window. Tony wasn't in there but my eyes were drawn to his chair. There was a dark spot on it gleaming in the light. I realize it's blood and that Tony, my Dad, is either shot or stabbed. My stomach turns and the pulse in my neck throbs. Over my shoulder I hear him yell, "you have 2 minutes to grab anything you want then we HAVE TO GET THE HELL OUT." This means someone is coming to slaughter us.

I run down the stairs to the foyer frantically yelling I have to get my cat, help me find him I can't leave without my cat. I hear Tony yell back, "I don't care what you take but you have only 2 minutes to find him and then we're leaving." I then see him cross the hallway. I only see his profile as he switches rooms. He's wearing a button down shirt that is all wrinkled, untucked and dirty. I can tell his face is bruised, a little bloody and then I see the side of his rib cage is the source of all the blood in his chair upstairs.

I turn and run back upstairs, grabbed some sort of hamster travel case & put my hamster in it. Next to it was the cat carrier. I snatch that and run into the laundry room to find my cat sitting on a pile of landry. I try to grab him but he trots off before I get a hold of him. For a split second I thought I wouldn't be able to grab him and I'd have to leave him behind. But, he let me catch him and shove him in the carrier.

I look down at myself and realize that I'm barefoot in my PJs and the only things I grabbed were my hamster and cat. I panic. We're leaving the house and never coming back and I don't even have shoes on. I look over and see soem red flip flops. I slide them on. I don't hear anyone else in the house so I yell out how much time left do I have Dad?! I don't hear an answer so for some reason just assume I have time. I run back to my room grab a bag and just start shoving stuff in it from my dresser. Socks, bras, panties, more pjs, jeans, tshirts and a pair of gym shoes. I think I even grabbed my makeup bag and the hair dryer for some reason. I sling it over my shoulder pick up my pets and run to the garage. Tony, Carmela and AJ were waiting for me in a minivan. I guess I made it there just in time as they were about to leave without me.

Next I know we are at some place thats like a camp ground. It almost felt like this was a place that mafia people on the run hide out at for awhile to figure out their next move. There was a pool, it was warm out and people were just hanging around like it was a summer vacation. I walk over to the pool with my hamster & cat carriers. I think to myself I can't keep traveling with both pets, so I sort of just leave the hamster carrier by a family that had younger kids and seemed to be the most relaxed. I figured it would be a good home.

Next thing I know I have another pet. (this is gross) Its some sort of a worm and I'm carrying it in my mouth. Although it was shaped like an earthworm it wasn't one. It was a deep moss green 6" worm that when light hit it the skin kind of shimmered like a rainbow. I thought it was pretty. But again, I realize I can't keep it. So I find a nice patch of grass by a tree and let it slide out of my mouth to the ground. I get up and walk back to the car. Except the car isn't parked where it was originally. Its now in some parking garage next to this camp ground. I just start walking thru it, cat in hand, looking for our car. I find it but no one is in it. Oddly, I only worry a little about this. I assume they are off walking around the camp or it felt like there was a mall next to us so maybe they were shopping. It's only in the back of my head that I'm thinking well maybe they left me. So I just sit next to the car and wait for them to come back. End of dream.

Now the only thing I can think about after this dream is that if I was ever in a situation where I had a couple minutes to pack up some of my stuff, what would I really take? I know I'd still hunt for my cat but other then that, what? I'm also disappointed that this was all there was to this dream. Pets and packing. And why wasn't I more focused on the fact that my Dad was shot or stabbed and may die? Weird but then again you can't realluy explain dreams. But if you could I'd say it prob stems from the fact the season starts on Sunday.

I've Been Bad

But not in the way you'd like to read about. I've slacked off on posting. Last week was crazy and by all means not a good one. Plus the weekend didn't top it off well either.

Last Monday evening just before I was about to skip out of work, I got a call from the client asking if I could be in Bloomington the next afternoon for a press ok. Of course I have to go. Not really a big deal especially when I get to do this (and I'm sure I'll get yelled at for doing it for a couple of reasons but boy was it smooth. Also, don't even think I did this the whole way either. It was a test. I mean if we aren't supposed to test the limits then why are they even made to do this??)


All goes well, back home I went beating rush hour.

* * * *
Now Tuesday, there was a seminar in Bloomingdale (some west suburb) that was "suggested" I should check out if I could. This meant I could only work till 12. Figures that not only did I have to catch up on what I missed the day before but this day was turning out to be a bear in itself. I finally cut the tie and left with my print out of directions from Expedia in hand. Directions went smooth until at at the end I found myself in the middle of a subdivision instead of an industrial park (where I was supposed to be). I call the place up and get the real directions from them. I make it in and they tell me "oh, heehee, we're not recognized on any of the online map services." Plenty of other people were late too b/c of this. Call me crazy but you'd think they would let you know this on the invite AND give you directions but heck what do I know?

Due to the fact that people were late, we started an hour late which means I left an hour late. Now I had dinner plans back in the city (which I had been looking forward to) at 6pm (I'll get in to the importance of that time in a minute). So instead of staying to have free drinks, free appetizers (possibly dinner) and catching up with an old rep of mine that I didn't know would be there, I scrambled to get the hell out just in time to battle rush hour back to the city.

Surprisingly I was able to snag PE and make our way over to dinner by 6:30. On our way we put a call in to out dinner dates only to find out they didn't wait for us, ordered their food and it was on its way to the table. That forced us to take a pass on dinner. Who wants to walk in at the end of dinner then order your own food and have people watch you eat?

Relevance of 6pm. A group of us had been trying to get together for this dinner for awhile now. Finally we narrowed it down to a restaurant and the 6pm time was thrown out there. 4 of us said 6pm is too early and will not work. Make it 7. We were assured that the other couple who wanted this time said no worries. We'll be getting there early so we want to have a table. We'll sit and have drinks while the rest of you show up when you can. So you figure 6pm get a couple drinks at the bar, 6:15ish get to the table, 6:30 call to see where rest of party is and depending on that THEN order food. Obviously this was not the case and no one called us to say any different. Needless to say we will not be accepting any dinner invites that are for 6pm no matter the explaination of how you will wait. I skipped some free food & drinks then battled with traffic from the burbs to make this date and in the end still missed it. A smidge rude if you ask me. PE & I still ended up having a lovely dinner at a quaint mexican place on Southport. Muy buenos!

* * * *
So now we're up to Thursday. I'm really slammed b/c I've been out the last 2 days. Work is booming and people just don't seem to get that I can't answer whatever stupid question they have b/c I'VE BEEN OUT THE LAST 2 DAYS. Then add on to that, a certain person who did understand I was out volunteered and specifically said "don't worry about this project, I will take care of it", but DIDN'T. At the end of the day the team the project was for stormed my office yelling at me looking for it. I went to said person who said they would take care of it, but who played dumb, we ended up fixing it together and then I got yelled at again saying "well next time lets (read you) try not to let this get that far." WHAT?! You fing bitch? You SAID you were taking care of it. Sigh...

* * * *
Friday actually wasn't so bad except that the plans I had made to go out that night were blown off by the other party. Not really a big deal but back up plans were not in place which led to a boring night at home.

* * * *
Saturday morning I went to Navy Pier to watch my insanely smart, beautiful, talented RED HEADED niece compete in a cheerleading competition. She's 8 and her team took first in their division, mainly b/c no one competed against them but if they did they still would have won.

I felt really bad for the Key West, Florida teams. Their uniforms were the hoochiest whoriest of all. So bad that their own mothers were making fun of them. Barely a half shirt with a one arm sleeve and skirt that was like a tube top. The uniforms fit no one properly or comfortably. Preteen fat was squishing out all over the tops of those skirts & under their tops. It was so bad and ill fitting that it would interfere with their performance. Constantly tugging and pulling things down and out.

The topper was after they were done some of the girls actually unzipped the back of their skirts prob to stop it from slicing into their skin any further. To make matters worse, this was also one of the most overweight group of cheerleaders I've ever seen. I thought for sure some of their back flips would be flops b/c of how heavy they were. And I won't even get in to the glittery clown make up they had on or the bundles of curly fake hair perched atop their noggins.

After it ended (we didn't stick around for the high schoolers), we had lunch and parted ways. I decided to stroll along the lakefront to sort some stuff out in my head. It was very cold but so pretty.


After I came home, tried to figure out what to do that night, had a mini life crisis/self evaluation, chased a sleeping pill with a glass of Jim and off to dream land I floated.

* * * *
Sunday wasn't much better. I'll just leave it at that. But in the end it did get better. Some dirty laundry was aired and can now be altered to fit again. I hope.

* * * *
That brings me to now. I'm looking into flying out for a quick weekend trip to CO to ski with my sis. Find more info on EMT school. Try to get time off to see Ween in Atlanta next month. Pay some bills and fight the urge to stab my office mate in the neck with a pencil in an effort to cease his lamaze mouth breathing habits.