Put A Fork In Me

I'm so done.....with Vegas.....for awhile at least. Now I know this recreation will not be my best attempt, but I'm drained. This is as good as it gets right now.

Flight delayed an hour going out. Got in, met PE at Paris. I was exhausted. Shamefully, I never left the room that night. I tried getting up a few times but ended up saying oh just 1 more hour won't hurt. PE partied and gambled with his brother (who was out there on business).

Sat morning I had a mani/pedi at 10am. I was up by 6am and down on the floor by 8:45ish. PE hadn't come home yet so I put a call in. He was at Mandalay. His bro just left so he was on his way home too after he played out his last hand. I get a call back. He tells me he has some paperwork to fill out. He hit the video poker on a royal flush. Payout = $4000.00....cash.

I hook up with PE after my horrible experience at the Paris salon. Nothing like sitting in a pedi chair with 2 huge maintenance guys working on the broken chair next to you, in very close quarters, shoving their asses in your face, staring at your tits, grabbing a hold of the arm on your swivel chair as they kneel down jerking your chair around, placing heavy wooden covers on top of and smashing your fancy satin sequin shoes that you have never worn before, sticking their hand in between your legs into your tub trying to get to the drain b/c now your chair isn't working, all the while freezing to death in the artic AC they have cranked. (sidenote, she filed my nails too short and somehow managed to make 4 of them split so bad I had to file them practically off.)

Anyhoo, after I warmed up and could put my shoes back on, PE went down to have a quick drink before we grabbed some food. Before you know it PE does this:


which leads to

That would make 2 hits in less then 7 hours. He hasn't ever hit it in the years he has played it.

Now we head over to Ceasars for some sushi & shopping. I had my heart set on finding some Jimmy Choos. Which believe it or not, I didn't like any in the store. I mean, yeah I liked some, but they just weren't anything special. Nothing wowed me enough to spend $600. I pocketed my share and said I'll shop Chicago. Oh poor me, right?!

Back to Paris we go. Stop at another middle bar for a drink before we head back up to the room for a minute. Believe me or not but here we go again:


3 times in less then 24 hours. The odds of that happening once to someone is like 1 in 65,000 or something.

So we hook up with his brother again and long story short had a blast. Booze poured freely, literally. We ended up at Mandalay Bay late night to watch the hookers & pimps do their songs and dances. One guy walked in and he looked like a young James Brown. Wild slicked hair, obnoxious suit. I took a picture from across the bar (I was hammered by now) and I could see and sort of hear his "posse" getting all angry b/c I took his picture. I quickly put my camera away, looked away and acted like nothing happened hoping none of them would walk over. We left right after. PE's brother went home we went back to Paris.

It's about 5-6am now, I'm blitzed and PE is trying to get a seat at a poker table. He gets one and I sit at the bar across from him. Not sure how it started, but I negotiated with some guy who I think was from Russia about "my worth". I threw out $500 just to get up to the room. Now people, I had no intention of doing anything with anyone, I was drunk and playing a game, as games are played in Vegas. Either way, I couldn't tell you much after that b/c PE stepped in, shooed the guy away and sat me back at the bar where the bartender asked if "that guy was bothering me." Heh. Curiousity got the better of me. A few more drinks, some drunken sloppiness and I was quickly deposited in the room.

I woke up who knows when, 11 I think, and our flights left at 2:50. I somehow managed to take a bath and fall back asleep. This is what I looked like leaving the hotel to go back home:



Pretty, I know. Actually, I managed to tame it down a bit but it didn't get much better then this. I flew home hiding behind my Jackie O sunglasses the whole way. Including the shuttle bus from the terminal to my car in the dark. At the end of that flight, the shuttle and the car ride home I fought the overwhelming urge to vomit (Granted I wasn't nauseuos until towards the end of the flight which is when the girl sitting in the middle seat in my row was overcome with a sudden attack of swamp ass). That put me over the edge. I thought for sure I was gonna have to pull over on 55 in the freezing cold to puke on the side of the highway. I made it to the condo but beelined it to the bathroom. Needless to say, the rest of that night went down the toilet. Lucky for me I didn't have to work on Monday. Plus when I saw this:

It made it all well worth it. Viva Las Vegas. Cheers!