HNT II

Until I can think of something to write about. I need a new phone that takes better pictures. Any suggestions on decent carriers and camera phones?

Some Wedding Pictures

Then there's the one picture that Tequila Red took with the disposable camera we had out on the table. The jury is still out on which part of her body it is. There's skin, creases, part of dress, more skin....we just can't tell. Paul thought maybe if he scratched and sniffed it he would be able to (speaking of, where is that picture??) Either way, thanks for documenting that special moment for us TR.

News Flash!

So Ashton & Demi got married. I heard of this highly important newsworthy fact from my husband last night. Given the look on his face when I said "huh, who, when, whatever" everyone BUT me knew about this joyous event. "How could you not know about this?" he says to me. "Even Bruce Willis was there." I'm sorry people, I'm just not that in tune to the celebrity goings on, so I apologize for the late notice. Congratulations Ash-i.

Even more important news, I was given the ol' #1 from a man who looked to be of grandpa status. Driving in today he was closely riding the dividing line between his car and mine. Seeing its an old man I honk my horn thinking "he's old, maybe he doesn't realize he's drifting, I'll just alert him to stay in his lane." You know how it is with those geriatrics. Well he jerks his car back in his lane, slows down, pulls in behind me and flips me off, with the meanest grandpa mug he could possibly muster. I promptly slammed on my brakes causing him to almost go into cardiac arrest. Just kidding. Well, maybe not. I might have just tapped my brakes a little.

Went to the Bears game on Sunday.
This about sums that day up:

In Full Compliance With HNT

Knot Phunny

Sign posted across the street from me at the strip mall parking lot this morning. They repaved it or sealed it or something. Any ideas on what the last word is? I almost think its supposed to be "sealer" and they spelled it "salier"?

Hodge Podge

First, thanks to my hubby pointing this out: http://www.pardonmyenglish.com/archives/2005/09/katrina_debit_c.html
Really puts things into perspective and what people's priorities are, like strippers and beer.

Also, nothing like starting your day with a blow to the head. Some guy on the el was putting on his long skeeve shirt and when he pushed his arm thru, he did it with so much force he punched me in the head by accident. It hurt, he apologized. I so wanted to be mad at him but I gotta be honest, its prob karma for some shitty thing I did to someone. Like the other morning when I purposely let the elevator doors shut on my new next door neighbor with the yappy kick dog and she knew it. You'd think it would be common courtesy to hold the door but its also common courtesy to not have your dog howling like its being carved up for dinner (especially when its owners ARE HOME). Pet friendly building or not, there ARE limitations to what pet friendly encompasses.

After leaving the el, I saw something that made me cringe. I walked behind a girl in a tank top that displayed a full back tattoo. Now from behind she was tall, had a nice figure, normal enough looking blonde hair, so I'm assuming her front isn't so bad either. I'm thinking why on earth would this girl destroy her body with this wretched tattoo? Now I'm not against tattoos, I have one myself, but it was this particular tattoo that was the problem. It was of a fish. Not a cool chinese rendering like a dragon or anything like that. I'm talking about Field & Stream Bass fish. From the top of her right shoulder to her left waist on an angle. In color. It was horrible. Not a bad tattoo job just horrible imagery. Eventually I saw her face and she was a semi cute normal girl all the way around. I mean FISH and WOMEN just don't mix, knowwhatimsaying people?! I'd hate to be the guy tagging that...

Summing it all up - Today, if any of you have a fever...here's your cure. (if you haven't seen the christopher walkin snl skit then, sadly, there is no cure for you today).

Thanks for the hang over Chops!

Happy Birfday to meee....uhm I mean Wendi, yeaah!! Hope you had a great b-day!













Told you I'd be a dirty girl in your honor. But then again, like I need an excuse to be dirty.
















Sad to say though, these boys out dirtied me. I like to call this one "PEza Party." The delivery guy didn't even notice...

















Can't believe I'm posting this one but heck, it IS funny. Wouldn't be a party if you don't do something nasty to the first person who falls asleep. Just for the record, I did get up after this. Even if it was only to move upstairs.

In my head today:

Our Wedding Thank You cards:

Ha! Just testing bloggers new way of posting pics. This just got way easier. First wedding pic to share. Ohhhh so many more to be added (and not just of the wedding).

Todays Blog Forecast:

Nonexistant with scattered click thrus.

Yawn.....

Hot to Trot

Went to a pretty decent country bar Saturday night. Not the boot scoot & trip all over the dance floor kind either. Just a good ol' texan bars bar with some kick ass bbq (or so I was told, I didn't chow any). Even had a live billy band that wasn't that bad. Kind of reminded me of a Brother Jimmy's. Either way it was a hoot. Best part was when all the plain girls started stink eyeing me b/c I busted out a few stripper moves for my hubby and the doorman asked if we wanted some privacy in the super secret back room (wink wink). What can I say, you put on a pair of stripper shoes and before you know it they take control. Well, that or the 10 Captain & Diet cokes and 1 Lone Star beer did. Just wish I could remember the name of the place. It was on Lincoln just past Irving Park and its ends with "Shack". yeehaw people.

Went to the Tiny after that. Shouldn't have but gone did anyways. 1.5 cocotinis later and we had to leave. And I say had to b/c I was about to pop. But I did learn, I think, that Johnny the bartender is NOT the mystery guy in the Olive Garden commercial. But don't hold me to it. I didn't even know my own name at that point.

In other news - my husband is looking to reunite with all of his ex g-friends. So girls, if you dated him please contact him, he's curious. You can reach him at: www.curiousitycastratedthecat.com (love you honey and good luck!)

Besides being justifiably hung over on Sunday and watching hours of football, I did absolutely nothing else. We had such high hopes too about being productive members of society this weekend. Oh well, there's always next weekend....sort of, maybe, ok I don't think so either.

Rated WTF

On the radio this AM I was half listening to a preview for some new movie coming out. Don't remember the name of it b/c once I heard what it was rated I didn't remember anything else after it. Actually, I don't even recall if it was a PG, PG13, PG13-17 but after 17 then its an R but if accompanied with an adult then its back to PG or NC So What. ANYWAYS, its what came after whatever useless rating they gave it (and I say useless b/c who pays attention to that and gets carded at the movies...oh wait, thats right, I DO) they followed it up with something I've never heard before and it went something like this "This movie contains one graphic reference to drugs." Just ONE people, not 2 not 5, just 1. Who is in charge of rating movies these days and since when did people become this compulsively protective? Made me sick. Ok I have to run into an emergency meeting now.....

All Married N Shit

Wedding:
Yes people, Paulindapalooza actually did happen and people are STILL raving & glowing about it...including my husband & I (heehee I'm still getting used to "husband"). We're hearing things like "best wedding ever". Lucky for me though, I eliminated the part in the ceremony where the officiant asks "does anyone object to this marriage?" Also, weather was sunny & hot.

Anyways, Bellagio was fantastic. They only managed to F 1 thing up and it really wasn't a big deal. It all turned out tons better then we imagined. Despite the part where my husband almost burned down the chapel with the unity candle. Now, for those of you that were there, we watched the video and actually he didn't drop it. The candle holder was defective so the candle just fell out of it. It just happened to be on his side and not mine. Figures.

So thru the smoke, everyone managed to have a Vegas good time. As promised, people were drunk, drugged & screwed. What more can one ask for?!

Although the most stressful time in my life, it was the most perfect & happiest. I must say, I plan a pretty damn good wedding.

Honeymoon:
Amazing. We're already planning on going back to Aruba. The best beaches & water I've ever seen. Only bad part was when I thought my huband was pulling a Natalee Holloway. 2nd day in and I wake up to find he never came home (he'd gamble till the casino closed which was 4am. I left him at about 2). It was then 7am. Hmmm. I search the grounds and he's no where. I go to the front desk and tell them I'm missing my husband, weirdest most uncomfortable thing for me to ever speak out loud. And apparently the front desk girl thought so too by the look on her face (Oh shit we have another Natalee Holloway) They call security. I'm freaking out. They're asking me stuff like "How did you guys part ways last night? Were you on good terms....." I'm getting the impression they think he's with a hooker or something!! Next thing I know I see him walk in the front doors. Dumb ass went to the casino down the street thats open 24 hours (I didn't know they had a 24 hr casino, if I did I would have KNOWN he was there), got in a fight, went to the police dept where they wouldn't let him call anyone. Fast deets on the fight: he's playing BJ, some jackass Jersey Yo Boy walks up, acts all normal chatting with Paul. Yo Boy says something sarcastic to Paul so he retorts with something questioning the guys sexuality, guy laughs it off as he walks away. Next thing you know he runs up and pounds one in his face from behind. What guy starts a fight IN a casino right in front of the cashier?! Needless to say security jumps in right away and takes them all to the 5.0 dept but not before Paul broke a few of the guys fingers. It was the first night there for the Jersey freaks. I hope they were deported. Pasa un bon dia fuckos.

Now the wedding aftermath:
One girlfriend missed her flight home...twice. She "confused" her flight times. Gee, wonder how that could've happened.

Another guy friend, who we thought was just ridiculously drunk in Vegas, turned out to have a severe case of mono and ended up with an emergency tracheotomy & a stay in the ICU (still in the hospital I think). So he wasn't drunk (well at least not to the point we all thought) but just delirious with illness.

One of Paul's friends shamelessly hit on my mother-in-law...in front of her husband.

We (Paul) lost his Dad's wedding card. Not the card we want to lose and ask to be replaced.

Some relationships were strengthed, others not so much. Ex. Paul's guy cousin who has been dating the same girl for a couple years apparently may be on the outs with her, yet he caught the garter. Nice.

My married sis-in-law was hit on by some drunk guy and was shown a picture of the guy's hairy bean bag on his camera phone. Trying to seal the deal? Who knows.

Learned from a hooker a new way to roll a doobie if you have nothing else handy to smoke it with. Heck, just tear a page outta the bible and you're good to go...to hell that is.

SO thats about it. We're back in society now and hating it. I've had to drive to Peoria twice for some press oks. At least in Minnesota I got to fly and drive a sporty convertible. I had to resort to DQ & chain smoking to stay awake. Our condo is a wreck. And new people moved in next door with a shitass yappy dog that I want to throw down the garbage chute. That about covers it. Well, at least all I care to share. ; )

P.S. Best wedding gift - A friend who was winning handed us a couple bills and said congrats. We wrote his name on the bills and shoved them in the bag. Thank you Vegas!