I Should Have Run Her Over

I am forced to park on the street. A busy main street. Parking is at a premium so many times you have only 2 inches to manuever your car out of it's spot. So as you're wiggling out of your space, you also have to constantly look in your mirrors & over your shoulder to see if an oncoming car is going to clip you or if a cyclist is going to whizz past you at the exact second you gas it out of the spot. Not to mention all while staying conscious of not tapping the cars bookending you (which I gotta be honest, they get tapped. Ohhhh they get tapped.)

So this morning, I hop in my ride and reverse it to start the parallel parking dance. I back it up then look forward to turn my wheel & pull out. When I looked up there was this idiot girl blab blab blabbing on her celly as she stepped off the curb to stand directly in front of my car to look at traffic to cross the street. There wasn't any so instead of walking she just stood there yapping away. Now maybe if she was able to multitask, you know, talk and think at the same time, she might have noticed this big red loud crooked moving truck to the side of her was the reason there was an opening between cars to cross at.

Needless to say, I didn't have time to wait for her to chat away then saunter across the street in her velour sweatsuit. I had a choice. Pin her against the car in front of me or honk my loud ass horn in her ear. Well sad to say, I horned her. She jerked back and looked at the windshield. As I'm pointing at her and clearly mouthing "what the fuck are you doing lady," she shoots me a pathetic dirty look, trying to mask her guilt of being a complete moron, like I'm the asshole. Then she sauntered her velveteen ass back to the curb.

Dumb bitch.

Updates

Yes - I've slacked off again. I can't help it. I've been swamped at work and have been out of town the last 2 weekends. It's not like I didn't warn you all a few posts ago, so shut it. A few things to note of late:

1. I finally bought and have in-hand curtains for the love room. Now it'll just be another year before we install them.

2. I've had a couple freak out moments about my upcoming EMT classes & future but I've gotten past it.

3. The company that my friend works at now that interviewed me like 10 times in the past and on the last try (where I spoke to everyone and their mom) swore I had the job but didn't, just sheepishly asked her if I would consider coming to work for them still. heh. NO.

and

4. I have to go back to Minnesota next week which forces me to miss my rockstar boyfriend, Mr. Rhett Miller (I saw him first bitches) who is playing in Chicago next Thur.

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NOW - here are some pics from my out of state adventures.


The happy Virginia hostess & host. My fav shot of them.



Their favorite shot that they have a bazillion exact same pictures of. It's like color forms. Just swap out what they are wearing and voila! New same picture.



silly boys.



hot sexy bitches. At least just for this 1 shot. There was nothing sexy about the rest of the night. Does the game "Asshole" bring to mind any behavioral mishaps or regrets? I thought so.



My attempt at making a white russian without the cream. We used Reddiwhip. Hey, it worked. This would have been the best shot of the evening except that the one 2 down takes the cream.



She wanted it.



The best shot of the night award goes to Tequila Red and she wasn't even there. Notice the pointing finger. I had brought the wedding table pics and of course this one was pulled out and questioned yet again. "Do you know who it is?" "What is it of?" "Which side is up?" My answers: Hard to say, I'm not sure and I don't know. Except: Yes, I am and I do. You'd think I'd remember to pull this one out of rotation. (yes, that is a privacy bar. even though my family and people in VA have seen it doesn't mean everyone on the internet needs to.)

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Now for WEEN IN ATLANTA (which that town sucks and I'll never go back. Here we thought the homeless in Chicago were bad. At least none of them in Chicago after having been refused a dollar, change, a cigarette, the very drink in hand, ever asked "well den can I at least have a sip off dat man?" Don't even get me started on the guy who dumped a glass of piss from the top of a parking garage on top of another random guy on the street who was so wigged out on mushrooms he just thought it was beer.)

Gener.



Acquaintance of ours that specifically pointed out the one area on his body that he was self conscious about that night (besides that shirt), that no one else would have paid any attention to if he didn't bring it up. The zit dead center on his neck. I'd blow it up for you but I don't want to throw up at work. Sidenote: this is the same guy who partied at our house last summer and laid his, uhm, manhood? on top of a slice of pizza and took a picture of it (not sure why so don't ask). My camera hasn't worked right since.



Left to right: zit guy, straight guy, married to the other girl in the pic, that was hit on all night by another guy at the concert but not yet out of the closet gay guy made up for it by buying us all free drinks most of the night probably to mask his true intentions of wanting to sneak off to the bathroom with married guy, PE (enough said), Me (I'm not even sharing), nice girl where this was her first Ween concert was so excited for it got so hammered at the show had to leave early before the encore which is when they played all the songs they both wanted to hear, and Mr. Shady 2 Step, I'm not sure b/c he masterfully disappeared & reappeared for most of the show.



Scary, I know. Don't ask. Bad things were done with this doll out in the suburbs of Atlanta.


There you have it. Now leave me alone.

Chicago Under Siege!

This morning I thought the city was A) Under attack or B) Preparing for an attack b/c I had a pack of these hovering around outside my window. I think they showed up about 4:30 this morning and was the reason I started having a nightmare (b/c they annoy me so in real life I brought that annoyance into my dream as a different form). I dreamt PE got shot in the chest at my childhood home and I couldn't get an ambulance to come get him. The only way I could get him to a hospital was the UPS truck that stopped there to make a delivery. Nothing else worth noting in the dream b/c soon after the humming thumping noise pulled me out of my slumber. Three of these birds were just hovering in a perfect triangle outside our condo. It's like they were waiting for the sunrise along the skyline. I pulled the BInoculars out to see whats what. I didn't see any news channel info on them so I think they were private tour helicopters. When I went out on my deck to evil eye them, 2 of them after a minute took off. The third didn't budge. I went back in. 5 minutes later I went back out and the 2 had returned. Again, b/c I think they saw me, they flew off again. This game went on till about 7:30 this morning. These assholes, whoever they are, stole 3.5 hours of my sleep. I daydreamed about if I had a grenade launcher how it would feel to take them all out. Then to top it off, once they finally did leave and I had only a half hour to lay back down a damn diesel semi parked outside the White Hen and just sat there, running & grumbling away. No sleep for me. Do any of you know what these machines sound like, especially outside your house just lingering about? And how once you are conscious of the noise they make that it then becomes all you can focus on? Needless to say I was in a foul mood. It hasn't gotten any better b/c here at work, up the street they are reconstructing a building and all I hear all day long are those machines. I'm buying ear plugs. And for those of you thinking "hey why not just move to the suburbs?" Huh? What? I can't hear you.